Hey everyone, how are you? I’m doing alright myself, but I’m having some issues that regard my mental health. After looking back quite a while, I realized that I never actually told you all of my conditions and how they affect me in my daily life. I have a lot of diagnoses on my rap sheet, both physical and mental, but I was thinking that today, I could look back on my mental health issues and share just what happens when they act up. On that note, let’s begin. In no particular order:
Schizoaffective Disorder: Not my oldest nor my newest diagnosis, this disorder is essentially a two in one type of deal. People with schizoaffective disorder, from how my doctors have explained it to me, is when a person has schizophrenic tendencies (psychosis and the like) along with a mood disorder, such as my bipolar type 1 (the kind with full blown mania). It can also be schizophrenic tendencies and major depression disorder.
- In my case, this means I have hallucinations- mine tend to be more auditory, but I occasionally see people in a scene that aren’t there, which leads me to tugging at my dad’s shirt and asking if someone is real or not. My meds help with that now though, for the most part… So that’s good.
- Unfortunately, though, I also need meds that control my mania (which my anti-psychotic is actually additionally useful for). I once went to Walgreens on a walk and ended up spending eighty bucks I didn’t intend to spend. I was energetically leaving the store and gave myself a once over realizing what I’d just done. I didn’t go back though- instead, I kept it as a reminder to myself what happens when I shop alone (that, and I’d intended to get some cosmetics, just didn’t expect the price!).
- I have a fairly unhinged cycle when it comes to my mania and depression- but when they hit, they hit hard. I spend depressive cycles fighting my urge to self-harm, crying uncontrollably over the tiniest thing and basically just look and feel like a total nutjob.
Borderline Personality Disorder: I can’t help but bring this up again. Yes, I have a personality disorder. It basically means my ability to trust has been warped by my abandonment issues. And let me admit: I’ve been abandoned (emotionally) by a lot of people, all starting with my mother. By age thirteen, I had a psychiatrist wanting to label me with the disorder, but legally unable. But basically, I see the world in black and white, metaphorically speaking. There’s a fine line between good and bad and I can easily place people on one side or the other at the drop of a hat. It’s far from something I’m proud of, and I’m trying to fight it- but it’s still a problem, and it’s still part of me.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder (with Panic): As the name suggests, I have a strong tendency to be anxious over things that don’t require/normally trigger it in people. And, at times, my anxiety gets so bad I’ll have panic attacks over said things. I can get overly anxious over things like being late or spilling food. If it’s something to worry about, I can find it.
PTSD: I’m telling about what lead to those on Saturdays for a while, so I’ll just explain there. Besides, you probably know this one too.
OCD: Another common disorder, but how it affects me may not be quite the same as other people. For me, it’s an urge to correct things: adjusting all the store products to be aligned just right when I don’t work there, my inability to ignore a typo without correcting it or I can’t concentrate. You’d think this would make me very meticulous with my room or desk, but it doesn’t. I have my routines, but it doesn’t involve cleaning up. I’m still a clutterbug- just one that likes things to be all facing the same way.
I do have some other diagnoses, but these five are the main issues. I may do another of these but for my physical ailments, depending on what you guys think. But until then, let me know: do you want more? Do you have any of these yourself? Ask any questions or responses in the comments. I love hearing from you guys! But for now, take care. See you Saturday!