Throwback Thursday: My Big Sister

Hey there guys! It’s already Thursday. Time certainly flies! In fact, I already have plans for Saturday. I’m going to see some musical theater with my big sister. “Wait, Jaluna, you have a big sister?” I hear some of you questioning. No, she’s not literally my big sister. We share no blood- she’s older than my father, so that’d be kind of hard to explain, wouldn’t it? No, my big sister is a very important friend of mine. Today’s post is dedicated to her, how we met, and how much I appreciate her despite never showing it.

When I was eight, my mother left us. It was then just my father and I, whom had a bit of an awkward relationship at first because I grew up uneasy around him (funny enough, now we’re like best friends sometimes!). There’s a program, at least in New Jersey, that helps kids who lack a role model of their own gender. This program, called the Big Brother/Big Sister program, led me to the person I call my big sister. It’s a friendship that’s lasted more than half my life!

She wasn’t my first big sister, mind you. My first big sister, Gabi, was someone I treasured for a fair amount of time. But when Gabi had to return to her homeland of Germany, I felt defeated, depressed, and abandoned. Then, a new big sister was assigned to me. She had a very different air from Gabi, but somehow it helped me relax over time. We bonded well, I visited and stayed at her home many times- we once got snowed in when I was sleeping over, so I ended up having to stay another day! I was perfectly fine with it though, especially back then. Time with her was precious. It still is, but I never show it well.

Although I was kicked out of the big sister program when I became a young adult, my big sister and I had a bond that had us spending time together without it. I still call her my big sister, because that’s kind of what she is to me in a way. Sure, she’s old enough to be my mother, but she’s not. She’s my big sister. Unfortunately, my trust in her is a bit of a double edged sword. I trust her, but the more I trust her the more I fear her leaving me, so I push her away. I’m really bad at inviting her to do things, and I don’t do well keeping in contact with her (or people in general, if I’m being honest). So, when I get a random text from her inviting me to hang out, I’m fairly quick to agree.

We’ve gone to see musical theater together before, as well as just general theater. When we hang out, we usually go out for a meal as well. I have to think hard on Saturday about what I want to eat- I’m always bad at figuring that out. Another place we go together is her- or more our- hairdresser. My big sister knows a lot of really nice people! I’ve met a few of them, and I was extremely glad!

My big sister is always doing things for me. It makes me a little guilty. In fact, I owe her a couple hundred dollars, as she helped me last year with a bank issue, and I still haven’t been able to pay her back a year later. She always pays when we go out- so naturally, like the cheap girl I am, I try to look at inexpensive stuff, which she always reminds me not to worry so much about. She’s a bit of an introvert like I am at times, and I think that’s part of how we mesh well.

She’s logical and calm, and I feel emotionally safe with her in the moment. It’s just outside those moments that my innate fear of losing people kicks in and says ‘let’s avoid them so they can’t leave us!’. I intend to apologize for the millionth time for not texting or calling more often when I see her. I also look forward to telling her about Comicon, because last time we had plans to go to the city, I was too scared to go. I think she’ll be proud I managed to do it this time- and I hope someday, I can go with her to the city, as long as she doesn’t mind holding my hand so I don’t get lost.

I think I’ve rambled enough for today, but tell me, do you have any siblings? Whether they’re by blood, adoption, or the friendships you have, I want to hear all about them. It’s amazing how different experiences we can have with a single person added to our life!