{"id":280,"date":"2019-07-04T09:55:02","date_gmt":"2019-07-04T13:55:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jrolik.caludin.com\/?p=280"},"modified":"2019-07-03T07:56:45","modified_gmt":"2019-07-03T11:56:45","slug":"throwback-thursday-fear-and-fireworks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jrolik.caludin.com\/index.php\/2019\/07\/04\/throwback-thursday-fear-and-fireworks\/","title":{"rendered":"Throwback Thursday: Fear and Fireworks"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Good morning and happy 4th of July to all my brothers and sisters trapped in the United States. Yes, I could have said that better, but\u2026 4th of July has never been easy for me. It\u2019s always made me feel trapped and afraid. And today, I decided to discuss this a bit- because I\u2019ve been struggling with this holiday for most of my life. So, let\u2019s get to it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To start off, I want you to understand, what I hate about the holiday isn\u2019t the meaning itself: I actually just can\u2019t stand fireworks. I\u2019m pyrophobic, so anything with the word \u2018fire\u2019 in it generally disturbs me- but also, these aren\u2019t just fire. They\u2019re often extremely LOUD. If I need to wear ear defenders when my dad\u2019s on the phone, there\u2019s no way I\u2019m surviving the sound of fireworks easily.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I was young, my family didn\u2019t fully understand my aversion to fireworks and would have me go with them regularly. I tried different things the times I joined in, from ear plugs that weren\u2019t strong enough to keep the sound out to ear defenders that weren\u2019t quite as strong as I need them either. My dad has told me to try both at once, but it\u2019s hard for me to fit ear plugs in comfortably as it is, and I\u2019d rather just stay home where my anxiety is lessened. So nowadays, we watch them (when we can) on the television muted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That said, it\u2019s not just the fear of fire and the fear of loud noise that make me struggle with fireworks. I also have the most ridiculous phobia from youth: that one of the embers from the sky will fall and land on me or start a fire elsewhere. Do I think that\u2019ll really happen? No, not anymore. But sometimes, my dad feels like he has to remind me that won\u2019t happen when I\u2019m crying from hearing fireworks from another town. It\u2019s oddly helpful, so maybe I\u2019m not as accepting of the facts as I think.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re thinking, \u201cWait she can hear the fireworks from other towns and it scares her? Are they really that loud?\u201d, then you\u2019re a very good guesser. To me, they\u2019re beyond loud- and nowadays, certain fireworks are legal for residents of New Jersey, so they\u2019re not always in the next town- sometimes they\u2019re the neighbors. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve mentioned before I\u2019m sure, but to be safe, I remind you I have a hearing disability not like your norm: I hear everything too loudly. It\u2019s called hyperacusia, or as I was taught as a kid, \u201cHyper Acuity Syndrome\u201d. At the time I was diagnosed, I was told I heard ten times better than the average person. The best part is I live in a family that either has purposely ruined their eardrums due to having a similar issue as children, to people that are half deaf because of other issues. It\u2019s hard for people to hear me because I speak so softly to not hurt my own head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, with all those fears, how could I really \u2018enjoy\u2019 the 4th of July? In fact, I hate the week before and after it as well, because people do them for most of the two weeks surrounding it. I\u2019m never fully safe without my ear defenders- but that\u2019s why I always keep them handy. That said, I\u2019ll probably be in fetal position most of the evening- so wish me luck getting through today, and enjoy it extra for me, okay?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Good morning and happy 4th of July to all my brothers and sisters trapped in the United States. Yes, I could have said that better, but\u2026 4th of July has never been easy for me. It\u2019s always made me feel trapped and afraid. And today, I decided to discuss this a bit- because I\u2019ve been…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[33,2],"tags":[86,88,87],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p8uAZQ-4w","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jrolik.caludin.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/280"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jrolik.caludin.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jrolik.caludin.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jrolik.caludin.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jrolik.caludin.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=280"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/jrolik.caludin.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/280\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":281,"href":"https:\/\/jrolik.caludin.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/280\/revisions\/281"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jrolik.caludin.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=280"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jrolik.caludin.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=280"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jrolik.caludin.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=280"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}