January 2020

Topical Tuesday: Oopsie Daisy!

Howdy everyone! I’d like to formally apologize for skipping out on a week of posts… again. I’ve been up to a lot of stuff, like re-planning a project or two and doing some stuff for work at the literary magazine, but I’ve also been struggling with thinking of just what to say for posts, and the need to apologize escalated and well… Here we are, with me trying to figure out what I’m saying as I type.

I’ve been feeling pretty stressed recently. My romantic relationship has felt like a struggle recently as my boyfriend has so many hours at work, his entire life is basically work then sleep and then work again. Not being able to talk to him much affects my mental health and stress levels, naturally- so that’s one issue right there. I’ve also been getting over a sinus infection most of the past month. I was put on heavy antibiotics earlier this month, and just finished taking them yesterday. My headaches have indeed been less frequent, but I’ve still managed to get one or two really bad migraines this past week. I’ve been loving my prescription sunglasses during those times, but they can only help so much- so I spent a lot of time curled up in bed, covering my head to avoid any excess light or noise.

Despite my issues this past week, I have managed to do a couple youtube videos. I actually have a backlog now for Wednesdays, because I did two last week that I haven’t posted yet. I may redo them though, because one of them in particular was pretty bad quality even by my usual standards. (I was thinking of doing a ‘what’s in my makeup bag’ one week since I really like makeup and I use it to plan characters sometimes, as weird as that may sound).

Let’s see, what else do I have to say… Oh! If you haven’t been watching my youtube channel at all, you won’t know this: I went to Mitsuwa, a Japanese market in my area, with a friend last Tuesday (I was exhausted after it, which is partially why Tuesday’s post didn’t happen). There’s all sorts of stores by Mitsuwa from Japan, including a nice bookstore and a drug store, which we went to after lunch. I got a lot of neat things, but the thing I’m happiest about buying is a physical copy of The Bride was a Boy by Chii. I absolutely love this manga and have read it more times than I can shake a stick at online, but having it physically in my hands is great, and I read it the day I got home while dad was borrowing my computer desk.

If you don’t know what this manga is, it’s an autobiographical sort of manga, about Chii’s transition as a male-to-female transgender person. She explains everything from coming out to getting surgeries done, and gives great infographs at the end of chapters to explain proper term usage, laws, and other things. It’s also her love story, as it follows her life from youth until she became a bride. Her husband was actually the one who got her to publish the comic as a book and not just as a comic blog, which is what it started as. It has adorable art and is just really heartwarming to read. I recommend it to anyone and everyone. <3

I got some other neat things while I was out, like a couple of neat pens. You can see most of what I bought in the following youtube video I’d made the next day:

I really don’t have much else to tell you or update you on this past week… But this week is going to be pretty busy. Tomorrow I’m going with my dad to get him some cardiology tests he needs to find out if he has the same heart defect I had until getting surgery a couple years ago. Thursday, I see my psychiatrist as well as my case manager, who I need to talk to about a number of doctor issues. I have no clue about the weekend. Luckily, I have ideas right now for blog posts, so I’ll be writing some more today to have prepared for at least Thursday and Saturday if I’m lucky.

Anyway, sorry for the long delay! Don’t worry, I’m still alive and kicking!

Soulful Saturday: NYE

Hey guys! Welcome to the first Soulful Saturday of the new decade! Are you liking my changes to the blog? There’s likely to be more to come as I try to figure out a layout I like that doesn’t have an issue with the comments. Just so you are aware, if you comment and it says it doesn’t go through, it’s lying! I promise I get your comments, and absolutely love them. 🙂

Today, I’m going to be talking about New Year’s Eve. It’ll be a short topic to talk about, but it felt like the longest night ever to me- and yet the shortest. See, I don’t drink much. I drink socially, but normally I know my limit and avoid drinking anywhere near it because of my medication and things like that. But on Tuesday night, after I’d already posted for the last time last year, I was invited to a party. And while I’ve forgotten a lot of details… It’s a party I’ll never forget.

It started with drinks with our neighbors. Dad and I bought some interesting liquors and offered to share them, so we went upstairs to have some drinks and hang out before my neighbors were off to a party. I had a big cup of mixed alcohol that was nearly 200 proof. I didn’t think that through and thought, ‘okay, it’s one drink’. I also had a shot of tequila. All in all, let’s say I had… 4-5 drinks through that cup and shot, shall we?

Then, my neighbors invited me to go to the party they were going to with them. I’d met the hostess a couple times at their house for parties like a birthday, Halloween, and Thanksgiving. The neighbors have very friendly and nice friends, so she was more than happy to have me join them without any notice.

The party itself was fun, from the little I remember. I was chatting with friendly people, had a shot… And then had one or two too many drinks after that. I remember what I drank- I had a hard tea and a hard cider. But everything after opening that hard cider is a total blur. I only know the details of what happened from my dad and the neighbors telling me about it. It was like one minute I was having some hard cider and chatting with a nice guy, and the next thing I knew I was waking up in my recliner at home!

I had no recollection of anything- I had no idea how I got home, how I’d been hugging the toilet most of the night, and how much trouble I might have caused at the party before I blacked out. Luckily, my neighbors invited me to hang out again a couple days later (we all had killer hangovers on Thursday, so we hung out on Friday instead). They told me everything that happened- well, until I got home, at least.

It turns out I’m a very calm drunk. In fact, if it weren’t for my mild incoherence, paled skin and heavy sweating, my neighbor wouldn’t have noticed I was way too drunk to stay at the party safely. She offered me to hang out outside the house, sat me down on the door step and called me a car to get home. She made sure to come with me, taking care of me in the car until she could hand me off to my father when we got back.

Of course, that night was more wild than my drunk self was. Apparently they took me home with the wrong coat- which the owner said wouldn’t be a problem until they remembered their house keys were in it. So, the neighbor had to come back to fetch it, and basically was on a lot of ubers because of me that day.

I told friends about it, and the thing that shocked them even more than the fact I managed to get that drunk, was the fact my father wasn’t angry. In fact, dad told me it was a sort of ‘rite of passage’. It was a learning experience- where I learned one big cup of mixed drink can count as like 3-4 drinks depending on what’s in it. I know my limit with tequila and fireball is usually about four or five- meaning I’d basically had my limit before going to the party- and then added three more to my repertoire. There was no one angry at me, and I am beyond thankful- to my neighbors that invited me and then helped me get home, to my father for nursing me during my epic hangover, and to the kind people at the party for making sure I felt welcome and had fun before my early departure.

And, even more so, to my neighbors for becoming good friends of mine. I’ve learned just how much they care for me through this whole situation, and their generosity is beyond compare. I will never stop thanking them- for helping me break out of my shell a bit, and for protecting me while I do so… And just for letting me spend time with them from time to time, just to hang out.

What did you do for New Years’ Eve? And have you ever gotten as drunk as I did at that party? I’d love to hear any anecdotes or advice you might have for me for the future. So please, feel free to comment! 🙂 Until next time- take care!

Throwback Thursday: The Game I Feared The Most

Welcome to the first post of 2020, guys! Today, since people are still probably busy with the new year rush, I’m going to make this another short but sweet post. Today, I bring you an anecdote from my teenage years: an anecdote of coincidence, anxiety, and…. Video games!?

See, I’ve always loved video games. I’ve been playing them since I was five at minimum, often joined by my male friends in my basement playing Sega back in the day. However, as mobile games for things like GBA and other such things became more prominent, I too spent long hours with a mini console in my hand. And one day, the game I’d put into that mini console gave me the fright of my life.

It was a DS game that promised to be an interesting series of puzzles. Its name? Trace Memory. But what scared me wasn’t the ghost hero- it was the very human heroine. Let me tell you why.

It started off as a fluke to me. The heroine, Ashley Robbins, had the same first name as me (in case you forgot, Jaluna is my pen name!). Big whoop- Ashley was the most popular name for girls in the year I was born. There were plenty of girls named Ashley, right?

Then, we found out Ashley’s birthdate. It was the same as mine! Looking back, I know it was just reading the data off my DS, but for the longest time I almost felt like I was being stalked. Especially when the story began to unfold.

The story starts with Ashley going to look for her father on a mostly deserted island with her aunt J. She was under the impression for a long time that he was dead. It just so happens that, for my 14th birthday, I was living with my own aunt J. And, my dad was in and out of comas when I moved there- I had no idea if he was going to survive or not, and it scared me. So, the aunt’s name and my dad’s health made me feel more and more like this game was not about just any Ashley- it was making a mint off of me.

To be fair, I do have schizoaffective disorder, which as my doctor explained, means I have a mood disorder while having notable schizophrenic tendencies. That includes paranoia (well, that and my generalized anxiety disorder). Mixing together my anxiety and paranoia, I began to struggle to play the game. It was enthralling, so it was hard to stop- but every fiber of my being was terrified I’d find more personal information in it.

Eventually, I stopped playing it. I regret that decision now, as its always haunted me- both the game’s effect on me, and the fact that I never found out the ending. But now that I lack the game (I lost it like I do sometimes)… Well, I miss it, and wish I’d just been a trooper and stuck to it.

Have you ever felt like a game was similar to your life? Or maybe a book? Share in the comments your spooky tales of something hitting too close to home! I don’t want to think I’m alone in this… I’m not, right?