obsession

Throwback Thursday: Obsession

Hey everyone! Today’s topic may be a bit recent, but the problem in general stems way back in my childhood. You see, I’d like to talk about my obsession issue: I unconsciously collect things, because I’m just obsessed with the type of product. I’ve had this problem since I was young, and I know for fact I get it partially from my dad. I want to share with you today the things I’ve obsessed over in the past, and the way it affects me today.

When I was in my school years, I had two great loves: bags (especially messenger bags) and stationery. It was a common obsession between me and my dad, so we always had lots of bags, notebooks and pens around. When I was in high school, my apartment had a small room attached to the main part of our basement… and it was filled to the brim with school supplies. My friends used to say we owned a miniature Staples (though we never sold anything- though we did give things to friends as gifts). In our current home, we don’t have that room full of stationery, sadly… But we do have quite a number of notebooks, binders, pens, coloring tools, and many other things we’d managed to keep during the move here. But that’s just one obsession. One reason our house is a disaster (besides my laziness).

As I mentioned earlier, I’ve always loved bags as well- and while it was mostly messenger bags when I was young, I’ve come to enjoy all sorts of bags- though messenger bags are still probably my favorite of all time. I have a lot of bags now, including three I got as part of the bags of clothing my neighbor has been giving me since I’m heavy and they’re too big on her now. One bag has a lot of metal on it, so I’ve been touching that as a form of therapy for my metal aversion (yes, I’m quite serious about this issue). I also use a computer bag I got recently a lot as a general out-and-about bag. It’s really handy, because it’s not too heavy but fits my essentials in it, including a drink or two!

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten more obsessions. I’m mad about make-up nowadays, and once spent 80 bucks on it at a drug store during a manic episode. I work really hard not to buy much now, as I shouldn’t need as much as I do- but whenever I buy something I’m out of, I tend to find sales that require buying multiple products, so… I end up buying more to enjoy and make use of the sale instead of, you know, just buying what I need like a smart person.

I recently have been obsessed with one other thing: writing programs. Okay, that’s not really all that new… But it’s only recently I’ve been spending a fair amount on the stuff. For years, I’ve loved finding new free writing software, but recently, I found two programs outside Scrivener that cost a pretty penny… But I loved them, so invested in them anyway. I didn’t do it without talking to my dad, of course- we share our finances, so we discuss all purchases before making them most of the time. The first one I got, Liquid Story Binder, I’d used in the past and really enjoyed, so when it was half off, I asked and was allowed to buy it. Then, just the other day, I learned about a program called Campfire from a friend… And as a NaNoWriMo participant, I got a small discount on it. It would’ve been a bigger discount, but dad and I felt the heavier duty version would be a better investment than the plain pro version. And so far, I’m using it a lot for world building!

I do have other obsessions, of course. I’m obsessed with games, books, and many other things. But of the ones that cost me money the most often, I naturally wanted to go into more detail on those today… But if you want to hear more about any of these, let me know!

Do you have any obsessions or collections that are crowding your home or just taking a toll on your finances? I’d love to hear your stories about obsession and the like as well! But until then, and until Saturday… See you later!

Throwback Thursday: Stationary

Hey there, guys! Welcome back to my now personally personal blog. (And yes, I know that sounded redundant…But it was fun to say!)

Today’s Throwback Thursday, as the title says, is about stationary. You see, I’ve always had a fascination with stationary. Notebooks, pens, art supplies- if it’s related to paper and what you use to write and draw on it, I’m obsessed, and sometimes very picky. Today, I’m going to talk about three things related to stationary: Stationary I currently have and just love, a memory of how bad my hoarding of notebooks used to get, and a mention of a few other obsessions I collect in my life. Let’s begin, shall we?

My favorite stationary I’ve gotten in recent years include a few pens I own, some nifty pencil sharpeners I haven’t actually used yet, and some really nice notebooks. I’m going to try to include pictures, but I may make you wait on those for another time, as it depends on if I can get a decent image. For now, let me describe some of them.

First off, the pens. My absolute favorite pens I’ve recently gotten include one that has a flashlight shaped like a lamp with a lampshade on the bottom of the pen. The pen’s cap is actually a stand- so you can totally use the albeit dim lamp to light a small area. It’s really cool! My second pen…I sadly lost it somewhere along the way. I know it’s hiding around here somewhere, but I cry when I search because so far, I never find it. ;-; It’s a really cool pen though. It’s actually a multi-tool: it has a ruler, a level and a screw driver all built into one magnificent pen!

The notebooks I have are really something. One is the one I turned into my bullet journal. I got it at the dollar store thinking it was really cute- it’s pink on top and green on the bottom, and it has both an elastic enclosure and a ribbon to keep your place marked. I really need to get back into my journaling… My second notebook was a gift I got in a care package, much like the multi-tool pen. It’s a beautiful, big notebook with a colorful bird adorning the cover. It’s magnificent I tell you!

Okay, we’ve talked about current stationary loves- now let’s talk about the past. You see, there was a time my father and I both collected notebooks and office supplies together. It was so bad we’d filled a little room built into our apartment at the time’s basement. Friends would come over and ask to see our ‘mini Staples’ to find what they might need themselves- and while it was loads of fun, it still shows a concerning trait. Normal people don’t have a room dedicated to stationary!

Of course, it’s not just stationary I collect and hoard. And yes, I’m admitting right now I have hoarder tendencies and an obsessive personality. I’m obsessed with bags and makeup like a stereotypical woman. I’m still proud of my plushie collection as well. Looking at my desk alone, you can tell I have a minor issue with lip balms. Seriously, I have three on my desk. There’s no way I need three different lip balms at my desk. Just one should do.

If you were to come to my house, another thing you’d see a lot of is flashlights. I can count four right on the shelf near me. That’s more my dad’s thing, but I admit… My lampshade pen having a light is pretty wonderful to me. I also have a lot of art supplies sitting near me right now: a container full of colored pencils, a huge box of gel pens… And then those pencil sharpeners I haven’t used yet, which are cool because you can use them to cap your pencils.

Do you like stationary as much as I do? Whether you do or not, I’d love to hear what interesting stationary you have. I’d also love to hear about things you collect, obsess over, or hoard. Let’s share the things we might have problems with- and be proud that we know the things we love so well!

Soulful Saturday: Obsession

Hello everyone! It’s time for another post of me gushing about things that aren’t just topical, easy to discuss things. For a change though, my topic is actually writing related! (Shocking, I know!) Today, I’d like to tell you about a little problem I’ve had most of my life since I learned to read and spell. A little thing called…. Obsession.

I don’t know why or how it started. One day, I just noticed an error in the work I was reading. And, when I found the error, I stared at it. I stared hard, thinking, praying it would fix itself. I was certain it would, because I was a child at the start of this. But no, it didn’t change. I couldn’t will it. And, thus, I never got through it. I just kept staring, and staring, and staring some more.

When I hit middle school age, it became a bigger problem. Whether it was English class where we were learning grammar, or another class unrelated to language, I would stare at any issue I saw, even if it was done on purpose. Eventually, I started asking to answer each question regarding proper use of commas and the like, when three were on the board for three of us. I wanted all of them- because I couldn’t trust my classmates to get it right, and that’d just lead me down a spiral of despair. And this wasn’t even the worst of it.

In high school, I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation. No, this wasn’t because of errors on the chalk board, but it leads to my favorite story of just how badly my need to fix errors was perceived. You see, once you’re out of the psych ward for- for children, anyway- you get sent to what’s called ‘partial hospitalization’. Basically, it’s the gate between the hospital and normal life. The people that work there are mostly therapists and doctors, and they know all your problems, whether because you warned them or because they had your records from your stint in the hospital.

You’d think a therapist can keep their cool when they know a patient means no harm and has an issue where they can’t focus when they see an error. But this one time, I got lucky and found the one that didn’t fit that stereotype. She was telling us about mantras- you know, the things you say to yourself to calm down, or to meditate? But what she wrote on the board was manta. Like a manta ray fish. Naturally, this became my new focus- and, knowing myself, I automatically raised my hand and, when called on, corrected her mistake.

She exploded. “Oh, so now you’re a genius with foreign words too!?” I don’t remember if I pointed out to her mantra was considered a word in the English language too. Or, y’know, the fact it’s got the ‘r’ sound right in it. She was beyond pissed with me, and we never seemed to calm that storm she felt toward me since then. I wasn’t sure how to feel myself, however. To this day, I don’t know what I think of her.

Not everyone saw my obsession as a bad thing though. When I was a teenager, I dealt with the Division of Youth and Family Services (DYFS). My DYFS worker couldn’t spell for her life, and she knew it well. She warned me before we were going to do an exercise of some sort that involved writing things down on her side, and told me to correct her anytime I saw a misspelling. Which was a lot. But the fact was, this woman accepted she was far from perfect, and gave my imperfection of obsessing over these things a new meaning.

I’ve made peace with myself over this obsession. I know it’s not healthy, so I try to tame it a bit, but I also know denying it is denying myself. Half the reason I do things like NaNoWriMo are because they promote accepting the imperfections in our writing as part of the process. And I need that, even if I fail to complete my story. I’ve been doing it almost every year for twelve years- that’s since I was fifteen! I’ve still got a long way to go, but knowing you have a problem is the first step to solving it, right?

That’s enough rambling for today. Why don’t you tell me some of the things that you’re obsessed with? Or just little pet peeves that drive you wild! I know I can’t be the only person around that can’t focus when certain things aren’t exactly as it feels they should be… Or can I?