Topical Tuesday: A Change of Plans

Howdy guys! I’m back to my blogging, but there’s going to be some changes. You won’t see them as much here, but if you’ve been following my Alien Irony: Redux Blog…. Well, that’s going to be taking a back burner for a while. You see, I’ve come to realize a couple things after my just-over-a-week-vacation. I’m starting to burn out from blogging… And there’s one way to fix that: cutting down.

Now, I won’t be cutting down my posts here. Three posts a week is one thing, but the six I was doing is another. And to add to that, I haven’t been doing nearly as much work on Alien Irony: Redux as I’d like to be doing for that blog to have purpose, so while I’m not deleting it, it’ll only get a post maybe once a month for a while, until I’m back on track with that project.

However, I won’t be bothering you guys much with my writing. I will certainly talk about my writing life, but this is going to be a more personal blog from now on. I’ll be continuing my Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday posts as I’d been doing them, and occasionally you’ll see me talk about my writing in general, but it won’t be a focus of this blog for a while. I’ll be making a new blog for that, as I’ve come to determine blending personal and business (and for me, writing isn’t just my life- it’s my job, alongside editing)… Well, it’s not the best way to blog. So, I’m separating them. I’ll update you on what day I’ll be posting on that blog once I’ve set it up.

Another change is that, while I’ll try to be consistent in posting every week on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, I won’t be forcing myself quite as much as I have been from time to time. Since this is a ‘personal’ blog, it means I can adjust things as I need them- even if that means taking a day off. I’ll try not to, mind you, but if I feel too close to burning out, I might just have to. I apologize in advance for any time this may happen in the future.

And… That’s about it for today. I’m not sure what Thursday’s topic will be yet, but I plan to share some details of my trip on Saturday, so be prepared for a long one! But until then… I hope everyone’s been well while I was gone!

Take care, guys! 🙂

Topical Tuesday: Characters I Want As Friends

Howdy gang! Everyone doing well? Today, I really want to do a bookish meme… but it’s not a recent one! I missed out on a particular Top Ten Tuesday the past two weeks that I really wanted to take part in. And so, today’s topic is that meme two weeks late: Characters I Wanna Be Friends With. This list is in no particular order, mind you- it’s just in the order I thought of them.

Ana Gram – Phi Brain: Kami no Puzzle

I absolutely adore Ana. He’s a great example of ‘looks can be deceiving’. While he often acts as a lackadaisical artist, he’s actually quite bright and is extremely observant and understanding of the human mind. Honestly, though, I just like how innocently he portrays himself- and how dark he can get if things go a bad direction. His punny name also helps.

Nyanko-sensei – Natsume Yuujinchou

Who wouldn’t want to be friends with a greatly powerful yokai stuck in the body of a weird sort of cat? Especially a totally tsundere one? Probably a lot of people, actually… But I think Nyanko-sensei is a great ally, and I’d probably love to pieces having him as a friend. He holds nothing back- but he can be really sweet sometimes too!

Takashi – Natsume Yuujinchou

Natsume Takashi, the titular character, is another guy I’d like to be friends with. He’s a gentle spirit who likes to help others, and he somehow manages to keep up with both the human and spirit worlds. Though he starts out virtually hating yokai, his ability to bring the two worlds together is fascinating as a skill. Again, though, I also just like how he’s a gentle person.

Mayuko – High Rise Invasion

Mayuko Nise is one tough cookie, and one I’d love to have on my side in a fight. She’s a bit too like me in that she has trouble trusting people- but, to be fair, she’s currently stuck in a world where you either die by jumping off a roof or die by being killed by the means of a mysterious race known as angels. Despite the highly volatile situation, she was able to change and trust someone, and that’s just so strong…
It makes me want to learn from her, all in all.

Hades-sensei – Hokenshitsu no Shinigami

Whenever I hear the word ‘Hades’, I never really think of someone I’d like to be friends with. However, Hades-sensei isn’t nearly as scary as his looks may make him seem. Sure, he’s not exactly a normal person- but it’d take a person who’s not so normal to cure people infected by disease demons! I really like how, despite the way he’s seen or treated, Hades-sensei always does his best to help others, even if it often has an awkward and unusual result.

Karuta Roromiya – Inu x Boku SS

Though her yokai form scares me senseless, Karuta in her human form and in her heart is a person I’d love to be friends with. She’s all for sharing food with people she cares for. She’s soft-spoken, but not afraid to speak bluntly when she deems it necessary. I feel like we’d get along in our similarities, and especially our love of snacks.

Hotate – Yamamoto Zenjirou to Moushimasu

Hotate may be a young girl (okay, a lot of the characters are well younger than me, but Hotate’s in grade school for crying out loud!), but she’s a hard worker always trying to help people with her special ability. While she’s dealt with quite a bit of adversity in her life due to it, Hotate doesn’t often blame this power of hers. Instead, she grows to use it to aid others, and even to make a few friends! I’d love to be one of them!

Mayoi – Acchi Kocchi

Mayoi is a very, uh… Unique type of person. She’s a genius in her own right, but she’s also a prankster. You’d think I wouldn’t want to be friendly with someone who can do such things with a straight face, but she’s just trying to get everyone to enjoy themselves in some ways. I like how she always helps start the fun that leads to chaos. I feel like if we were friends, I’d get out more often. xD

Uru – Shiawase Kissa Sanchome

I loved a lot of the characters in Shiawase Kissa Sanchome, but no one beats the heroine, at least to me. Uru is a strong-willed girl with brute strength of unbelievable ability. She likes to meddle into other people’s affairs, but she usually only does it because she means well and wants to help. I feel like we’d get along, because while she can be a bit rowdy, she knows how to slow down for people that can’t keep up. She’s a sweet girl, and she deserves all the happiness in the world- and all the friends, too!

Nozaki – Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun

Nozaki, like me, is a writer. He can be pretty oblivious at times, like I can, but he tries his hardest to learn from his mistakes. To Nozaki, everything is inspiration. As fellow writers, I think we’d get along really easily, especially through talking shop and bouncing ideas back and forth!

I know this post has gotten pretty long, and I apologize, guys. I just couldn’t help myself- this topic was really fun for me, after all! Still, I’m also just so glad to be back- I’ve been so excited for this, it’s a shame it had to wait until now.

Before you go… Have you read any of the series I noted in this post? What did you like/dislike about the characters I chose? I’d love to hear some characters you want as your besties too! So stick around and at least leave me a note about it. I love your comments! You help me grow, too!

Topical Tuesday: Taking a Quick Break

Hihi guys! Thanks for coming back to see me. Today, though, the topic isn’t as light-hearted… Wait, yes it is. I’m going on vacation!

For those of you who don’t know, I’m in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of nearly two years. Because we live in states that are fairly far apart, we don’t see each other that often. In fact, my first time meeting him was also a bit of a ‘meet the family’ deal, since he lives at home. Well, I missed out last year on getting to see him for his birthday, but this year… I’ll be there!

However, as I’ll be staying with the family who are all kind and friendly to me, and even more so spending time with the man I love, I can’t guarantee how often I’ll be using my computer and, when I do, being able to update the blog. I promise this is only going to be for a week or so- I return on the 22nd and leave tomorrow.

I’ll try to post if and when I can, but you’ll more likely see me on Twitter, Discord and some of the forums I love when I’m online. I apologize if this is too late to tell you about this trip- I thought a day was enough, but you can let me know if I should’ve said so sooner.

Anywho, that’s all I really have to say for the time being. I look forward to seeing you all back with my regularly scheduled posts after I get past the jet lag from going to Arizona. I wish you all a wonderful week! <3 Take care!

Soulful Saturday: PTSD 2

Hey guys, how’s it going? Last week, I got some great reactions to my Saturday article talking about my trigger involving my uncle (don’t worry, I won’t cry saying it right now). It was requested I share more of my triggers, and those do tend to be very deep, albeit difficult subjects. So, Soulful Saturday seems perfect for it!

Today, I’m taking you back to my high school years. I lived in a two family house, with neighbors that regularly changed. I believe I was in 10th grade? I’m pretty sure it was while I was at Cornerstone… Or was it NAA? Oh well. Point blank, we had a very troublesome neighbor. I’ll go on and explain some of the things he did.

It started with water pouring all over our dining room table. Apparently he’d flooded his kitchen or something of the sort? He promised to pay for the damaged goods, but he didn’t have insurance, if I recall correctly. He offered to fix it, even.

All I know is when we questioned him for updates on getting paid back the damages, he started to change for the worse. He was volatile, banging on our windows first thing in the morning, using his leaf blower right near my computer desk’s window knowing it would hurt my head and drive me nuts. Eventually, he and my father had a confrontation.

Unfortunately, when the police came, dad- who hadn’t started it at all or even taken much part- was unscathed, while the neighbor had a bloody nose. They didn’t make any charges or anything, but it didn’t make them like us very much.

The harrassment began to get worse after that. In fact, the man went so far as to come up to the van I was being brought home in and put his leaf blower right at the window nearest me. The driver and my classmates were horrified that this would happen. I was crying by the time I got inside.

And soon enough, it all came to a head. The neighbor was pounding so hard on our door, our living room clock fell off the wall. The noise was horrifying, and I ran to hide. Dad went out and didn’t fight back, even as the bastard kicked him hard with steel-toed boots. The police came once again, this time to a very different scene. I have a vague memory that I was threatened to be next, but dad says that didn’t happen.

Unfortunately, that false memory still remains, as does the very real memory of seeing all my father’s injuries being checked. He was already in horrid shape- he is half of where I get my fibromyalgia from, and he’s had MRSA twice so far in his legs. I don’t recall if he was diagnosed yet with psoriatic arthritis, but… either way, the point is he wasn’t in the best of health as it was, and this guy felt a need to attack.

Now, there’s a couple things I didn’t mention about this man.

  1. He was a severe alcoholic
  2. He was taking advantage of a woman he promised to help get her green card
  3. He was just messed up, according to said woman, but she couldn’t leave.

Knowing all this, I became paranoid for a few years that he’d find us and attack again. I became afraid of anyone that drinks alcohol for a while, because I assumed they could be just like that man that haunts my nightmares. The two upstairs disappeared, but I didn’t feel safe until we moved ourselves. And sometimes, I still worry he’ll come after us. I don’t know why… I just fear it.

I have many fears that relate to this one incident alone. A fear of alcoholics (though my uncle had already partially instilled that in me. I’m getting over it though, at least a bit!), androphobia (fear of men, for me mostly ones I don’t know. It just added to it), and a fear of leaf-blowers that I try not to think about when there’s landscaping being done outside. To be honest, that last one I haven’t even really talked to dad about… You’re the first to know this secret.

I think that’s enough for today. Do you have any of the fears I mentioned? I’d love to hear more about you- whether you want to share what kind of drunk you are or what makes you uneasy. I’m greatly hopeful you never have to experience such a deranged person. I wish you all the best of luck. Thank you for continuing to read my life.

Throwback Thursday: Mental Health Diagnoses

Hey everyone, how are you? I’m doing alright myself, but I’m having some issues that regard my mental health. After looking back quite a while, I realized that I never actually told you all of my conditions and how they affect me in my daily life. I have a lot of diagnoses on my rap sheet, both physical and mental, but I was thinking that today, I could look back on my mental health issues and share just what happens when they act up. On that note, let’s begin. In no particular order:

Schizoaffective Disorder: Not my oldest nor my newest diagnosis, this disorder is essentially a two in one type of deal. People with schizoaffective disorder, from how my doctors have explained it to me, is when a person has schizophrenic tendencies (psychosis and the like) along with a mood disorder, such as my bipolar type 1 (the kind with full blown mania). It can also be schizophrenic tendencies and major depression disorder.

  1. In my case, this means I have hallucinations- mine tend to be more auditory, but I occasionally see people in a scene that aren’t there, which leads me to tugging at my dad’s shirt and asking if someone is real or not. My meds help with that now though, for the most part… So that’s good.
  2. Unfortunately, though, I also need meds that control my mania (which my anti-psychotic is actually additionally useful for). I once went to Walgreens on a walk and ended up spending eighty bucks I didn’t intend to spend. I was energetically leaving the store and gave myself a once over realizing what I’d just done. I didn’t go back though- instead, I kept it as a reminder to myself what happens when I shop alone (that, and I’d intended to get some cosmetics, just didn’t expect the price!).
  3. I have a fairly unhinged cycle when it comes to my mania and depression- but when they hit, they hit hard. I spend depressive cycles fighting my urge to self-harm, crying uncontrollably over the tiniest thing and basically just look and feel like a total nutjob.

Borderline Personality Disorder: I can’t help but bring this up again. Yes, I have a personality disorder. It basically means my ability to trust has been warped by my abandonment issues. And let me admit: I’ve been abandoned (emotionally) by a lot of people, all starting with my mother. By age thirteen, I had a psychiatrist wanting to label me with the disorder, but legally unable. But basically, I see the world in black and white, metaphorically speaking. There’s a fine line between good and bad and I can easily place people on one side or the other at the drop of a hat. It’s far from something I’m proud of, and I’m trying to fight it- but it’s still a problem, and it’s still part of me.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (with Panic): As the name suggests, I have a strong tendency to be anxious over things that don’t require/normally trigger it in people. And, at times, my anxiety gets so bad I’ll have panic attacks over said things. I can get overly anxious over things like being late or spilling food. If it’s something to worry about, I can find it.

PTSD: I’m telling about what lead to those on Saturdays for a while, so I’ll just explain there. Besides, you probably know this one too.

OCD: Another common disorder, but how it affects me may not be quite the same as other people. For me, it’s an urge to correct things: adjusting all the store products to be aligned just right when I don’t work there, my inability to ignore a typo without correcting it or I can’t concentrate. You’d think this would make me very meticulous with my room or desk, but it doesn’t. I have my routines, but it doesn’t involve cleaning up. I’m still a clutterbug- just one that likes things to be all facing the same way.

I do have some other diagnoses, but these five are the main issues. I may do another of these but for my physical ailments, depending on what you guys think. But until then, let me know: do you want more? Do you have any of these yourself? Ask any questions or responses in the comments. I love hearing from you guys! But for now, take care. See you Saturday!

Topical Tuesday: Communication is Key!

Morning, everyone! Are you having a good day so far? Today, I want to talk to you about a little thing called ‘communication’. Yes, we all hear about this word when it comes to trying to get along with people. However, I’d like to discuss a few things that pertain to my own communication skills and flaws. So, let’s begin.

Offline, my communication can be pretty awkward. I often speak too fast and quietly for people to hear, and it only gets worse when I’m anxious. And that’s not the only issue! My wording is often a mess- and so, sometimes, I avoid voicing the things on my mind, when my blunt honesty isn’t in effect. Neither bluntness nor silence make for a great person to be around. What’s interesting is who I’m the quietest with. The more I trust you, the less I feel a need to speak.

With strangers, I’ll babble on about anything just to deal with the awkwardness… But, for example, when I’m with my boyfriend in person, I didn’t actually speak nearly as much as when we’d chat online. And that last part I’d like to emphasize for a moment. Why do I talk to people more online than offline, whether I’m close to them or not?

I think the answer is not being able to see them. I get really awkward whether it’s voice or video chats. For me, the more real it is, the more I find it hard to separate it from reality and thus my usual feelings of relief take the wheel and I go quiet. That’s just my hypothesis. I can’t really tell what the truth is though.

Another issue I have with communication is wording. I write better than I speak- when I speak, I often sound like a chicken with its head cut off. I misunderstand things easily, miss puns, and can’t always recognize sarcasm or jokes. I also can’t hide my feelings well on my face, so my words don’t fool anyone. I’m the worst liar I know, and my wording only makes it worse. I misuse idioms and want to hit my head on something the moment I realize it. I stall and stutter, which is a not so great quality either.

Basically, talking makes me uneasy, but not talking makes me uneasy. I guess overall… Communication just makes me anxious? It’s something I’m not proud of… So I better get to work on that!

Do any of you struggle with communication? Do you have any tips or tricks that help you with talking slower and louder, and just keeping small talk alive? I really don’t know what I’m doing… But I’m sure someone out there does! So, if you have any ideas at all, please share them in the comments for the rest of us. Pretty please with sugar on top? I promise, I’ll thank you.

Soulful Saturday: PTSD

Hey guys! Today’s Soulful Saturday is going to be a little deep and dark. Today, I want to discuss flashbacks, actually. But these aren’t any ordinary flashback… they’re flashbacks from PTSD.

I have been through a number of traumatic situations. I’ve been in many car crashes, I’ve had a crazy neighbor attack my dad, and I’ve had someone sexually harass me and I just couldn’t get it to stop on my own.

Each of these issues put together encompass the majority of my PTSD. On Friday, I had a severe panic attack after having a flashback of my uncle sexually harrassing me. And you see, here’s the thing: my uncle isn’t a great person, but at the time most of us thought he was a good person all together. The thing is, he’s a drinker. And when he drinks, he unthinkingly starts touching you in places that make you very uncomfortable, such as your butt or getting really close to your chest. He’s tried kissing me right at the corner of my mouth, and honestly, I was disgusted. All of this just disgusted me… And I was afraid for a long while to tell anyone, “Uncle Bob [not real name] has been harassing me”.

The day before Friday, my dad left the room while on a call, and I went to look for him and make sure he was alright. I ended up hearing him talk about issues with my uncle. And I broke down in SECONDS.

Friday, however, was a strange one. My panic attack took a variety of coping skills and tissues to calm myself down enough to write this. So yes, this was written on Friday instead.

Today, I had a flashback of when he’d touch my butt even after I said no. I felt it as if it was happening in real time, and it scared me so much I literally got up and took an anxiety pill immediately. Also, that was the last one I have… or… had? I’m not sure whether it really makes sense or not with tense, but oh well.

The point is, something so simple broke me at my core. And that’s just one of three major triggers. I don’t want to talk about them though, because I want to focus on writing out my pain from this particular experience. If you guys want to read about my other PTSD triggers, I’d be more than happy for you to comment and tell me.

I don’t know how long the backlash of hearing that conversation is going to be. All I know is I’ll recover. But, it’ll take a lot of time to truly heal…

Throwback Thursday: Convertible Computers

Hey there, guys. It’s already Thursday? The week has flown by it seems like! Just yesterday I was talking to my dad about how it felt like it was still Tuesday… Well, we were looking for a Thursday show anyway. But that’s not really important right now!

Today, I want to talk about computers- but not just any kind. No, today’s post is about convertible computers. Now, if you aren’t sure what those are, you’ve probably seen them a lot lately. They’re those laptops that can turn into a tablet, which is great for when you’re trying to draw something by hand with digital art. The thing is, I have one complaint about recent versions of this computer type.

Why do more than half the ones I’ve looked at leave you with your keyboard sitting against your lap!?

It’s not like convertible computers are brand new as an idea, mind you. In fact, my laptop maybe eight to ten years ago was a convertible. The way it worked, though, was very different. The hinges weren’t on the side, but the center. You’d turn the screen around and then lay the back of the monitor on top of the keyboard instead.

Okay, so maybe that doesn’t sound the most logical, but if you’re like me and are very active while sitting (I mean tapping your feet to a beat, constantly changing poses, etc)… Well, my concern would be both comfort and the possibility of my shaking leg causing buttons to be pressed a lot. Unless you get a very flat keyboard and it has a lock so it won’t leg-type like a phone, I would worry greatly myself.

As I’m doing my shopping online, I can’t test the comfort and protection against typing with my kangaroo knee. And so, I’ve been looking at a ton of computers in my price range- many of which are convertible- and so far, I can’t find one that flips in the way I thought would be natural considering computers of old.

I know this post is a bit of a vent, but I do have a question for all of you: do you have a convertible computer? How does it change and if it’s like the above, does it have precautionary additions to avoid knee typing? What kind of computer do you have in general? I’d love to hear about what’s important in a computer to you!

Until next time- take care!