friends

Guest Blogger: Lacey

Hihi! How’s it going guys? Today’s post is a bit different. See, I’ve seen guest bloggers over the years I’ve read blogs, but I’ve never done one myself. After talking to my friend Lacey, who was also interested in having a guest blogger… We decided to switch gears and write something for each other! Each of us wrote about the things that make us lucky. Without further ado, let’s hear Lacey out. Give her all your love, guys!

Hello, there! My name’s LaceyAnne! You can call me Lacey. I’ll be your guest blogger today! I’m a good friend of Jaluna’s (herein called “Lunaluv”), and am so honored to be her first guest blogger! I’m a call center rep and Game Master (at an escape room) by day, and a writer by night. I also read Tarot, make boondoggle, play with cats, all that good stuff. You can find me and my blog at brokencrayoncoloring.wordpress.com.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, by the way! In the midst of all this Coronavirus chaos, I’ve decided to honor St. Patrick’s Day by writing to you all about what makes me feel lucky in life.

First of all, I’m lucky to be here. You see, after my mom had my sister, she was told she was infertle. Six years later, “Merry Christmas, you’re pregnant!” With me. My mom had several complications while pregnant with me. And when I was born, my umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck twice. I almost strangled myself! But I made it!

Skipping over my spoiled childhood, I’m still very lucky in my adult life. I have my boyfriend (herein called “Beloved”) who treats me like a queen. When I do something stupid or impractical, Beloved teaches me how to do it the right way. The other day, he got really mad at me. But when he saw how I was reacting to his anger at me, he almost immediately calmed and hugged me. And promised me he would teach me better. And we have this wonderful apartment together, Beloved and I. And we work as a team. I’m so lucky to have him in my life.

I’m lucky to have my two cats (herein called “Kittehs”). They’re not as cuddly as I’ve always wanted, but they do love us and we love them. Sometimes the Kittehs cuddle with us.

I’m so lucky to have Lunaluv as such a good friend. She’s so awesome, supportive, loving, and helpful. I always know I can rely on her to support me when I’m stressed. She’s one of my best friends–and that’s saying something. I don’t have the luxury of many friends. I just wish there was more I could do for her on a regular basis.

I have a home, a job, family, friends, pets, electronics, clothes, food, and water. I have blankets galore and indoor plumbing. I have a car and furniture.

Sometimes, we forget how lucky we are. What things in your life make you feel lucky? Thank you for reading! Stay safe!

Throwback Thursday: My Big Sister

Hey there guys! It’s already Thursday. Time certainly flies! In fact, I already have plans for Saturday. I’m going to see some musical theater with my big sister. “Wait, Jaluna, you have a big sister?” I hear some of you questioning. No, she’s not literally my big sister. We share no blood- she’s older than my father, so that’d be kind of hard to explain, wouldn’t it? No, my big sister is a very important friend of mine. Today’s post is dedicated to her, how we met, and how much I appreciate her despite never showing it.

When I was eight, my mother left us. It was then just my father and I, whom had a bit of an awkward relationship at first because I grew up uneasy around him (funny enough, now we’re like best friends sometimes!). There’s a program, at least in New Jersey, that helps kids who lack a role model of their own gender. This program, called the Big Brother/Big Sister program, led me to the person I call my big sister. It’s a friendship that’s lasted more than half my life!

She wasn’t my first big sister, mind you. My first big sister, Gabi, was someone I treasured for a fair amount of time. But when Gabi had to return to her homeland of Germany, I felt defeated, depressed, and abandoned. Then, a new big sister was assigned to me. She had a very different air from Gabi, but somehow it helped me relax over time. We bonded well, I visited and stayed at her home many times- we once got snowed in when I was sleeping over, so I ended up having to stay another day! I was perfectly fine with it though, especially back then. Time with her was precious. It still is, but I never show it well.

Although I was kicked out of the big sister program when I became a young adult, my big sister and I had a bond that had us spending time together without it. I still call her my big sister, because that’s kind of what she is to me in a way. Sure, she’s old enough to be my mother, but she’s not. She’s my big sister. Unfortunately, my trust in her is a bit of a double edged sword. I trust her, but the more I trust her the more I fear her leaving me, so I push her away. I’m really bad at inviting her to do things, and I don’t do well keeping in contact with her (or people in general, if I’m being honest). So, when I get a random text from her inviting me to hang out, I’m fairly quick to agree.

We’ve gone to see musical theater together before, as well as just general theater. When we hang out, we usually go out for a meal as well. I have to think hard on Saturday about what I want to eat- I’m always bad at figuring that out. Another place we go together is her- or more our- hairdresser. My big sister knows a lot of really nice people! I’ve met a few of them, and I was extremely glad!

My big sister is always doing things for me. It makes me a little guilty. In fact, I owe her a couple hundred dollars, as she helped me last year with a bank issue, and I still haven’t been able to pay her back a year later. She always pays when we go out- so naturally, like the cheap girl I am, I try to look at inexpensive stuff, which she always reminds me not to worry so much about. She’s a bit of an introvert like I am at times, and I think that’s part of how we mesh well.

She’s logical and calm, and I feel emotionally safe with her in the moment. It’s just outside those moments that my innate fear of losing people kicks in and says ‘let’s avoid them so they can’t leave us!’. I intend to apologize for the millionth time for not texting or calling more often when I see her. I also look forward to telling her about Comicon, because last time we had plans to go to the city, I was too scared to go. I think she’ll be proud I managed to do it this time- and I hope someday, I can go with her to the city, as long as she doesn’t mind holding my hand so I don’t get lost.

I think I’ve rambled enough for today, but tell me, do you have any siblings? Whether they’re by blood, adoption, or the friendships you have, I want to hear all about them. It’s amazing how different experiences we can have with a single person added to our life!

Soulful Saturday: Friendship, Online and Off

Hey there everyone! Today, I want to talk about a very important topic to me: Friendship. Friendship isn’t something that occurs in a day to me- it takes time, it takes conversing, and- okay actually, cut that. That’s how it should be, not how it is. For those of you that don’t know already, I have borderline personality disorder. My views of people can change at the drop of a hat. So that makes me wonder… Why do I feel loyal to my friends, and not feel that light switch go on and off?

I think to start this conversation with you, it’s best if I make something clear: I’m not talking about online or offline separately. I’m talking about friends of all forms. For me, a friend is a person I feel safe with. I feel they’re honest people, and not people I have to fear losing as easily. This feeling is strongest when I first meet people, online or offline. However, the closer I get to people, the more I usually pull away…

So why is it I have certain friends that I’ve had for years now? I certainly feel unusually close with them as time’s passed. Have I improved my ability to trust people?

The answer to that is probably a yes. Or rather, I hope it is. See, just last week I met up with an online friend for the first time (as in first time meeting this particular friend, mind you! I’ve met others before this.) I was offered a free ticket to join her at Comicon, which was my first time going to a convention by the way. Trusting someone so much that I’d want to meet up with them and even go to a big event that’s sure to bring me anxiety and such isn’t exactly my norm.

Another thing outside my norm that I did recently: I texted my offline friends just to check on them. I’m not a big phone person, but texting is something I feel comfortable with. However, I don’t normally text friends that much. The last time I’d texted these friends was in April! I had nothing really to talk about with them, but I wanted to see their names, and to see how they were doing. I’m never good about keeping in touch. It’s just part of my internal algorithm, if you will.

This just brings me more questions and, surprisingly, more anxiety than I can shake a stick at. What led to these changes? Is it actually a good thing I’m doing these things? Sure, I’d talked to my friend from the Comicon adventure plenty of times- we’ve been friends for years through a common interest, and we’ve even video chatted many times, alongside our mutual friend circle.

And that’s another thing I’d like to mention- I never even wanted to video or voice chat with people only a year ago. When did I start wanting to hear the voices and put faces to the names I’d used for them so long? It feels as if I’ve changed drastically in just a couple years. I just don’t know what lead to it!

I think it’s a good change- I hope it is, at the very least. Still, I can’t quite put my finger on the trigger for these changes… and that bothers me a lot. I’m thankful to have the friends I have, whether it’s my friends from middle school I texted just the other day or online friends like the one I went to the city to meet.

I just feel a little rattled by the fact that, for the longest time I’d been the type to pull away the closer I felt to people. To suddenly realize I’m not doing that… It makes me feel vulnerable and scared, even if it also makes me feel a sense of relief and accomplishment. I must be lucky I’ve met so many kind, honest and patient people!

What do you consider the most important thing in a friendship? How often do you communicate with friends, and how do you personally prefer these communications work? As someone new to keeping in touch with friends and trying to keep them, I could really use the feedback from your own experiences. Let me learn from you- and maybe, if I’m lucky, you’ve in some way learned from me what not to do based on my past.

As always, I appreciate you taking the time to read my ramblings about the deeper parts of my life. I hope you’ll share your own experiences with me someday- and I hope mine can do something for you, too!