Good afternoon everyone, and welcome to June! This is a month where change is slowly coming as summer makes its way to the northern hemisphere- not that it feels like it hasn’t already. Still, you’re not here for a lesson on the Gregorian calendar. You’re here for me to pour my soul out today!
To be completely honest, I had a lot of problems coming up with a topic… So, I looked at a website full of journaling prompts and said, “Hey, I can totally use some of these for blog posts!” And so, I found two prompts that inspired this post: What I see are my good points, and what I dislike about myself.
If you’re new here, you might not know this, but I’m a person with Borderline Personality Disorder. What that means, in this case, is I’ve been abandoned enough times that I’m very awkward with how I deal with people and life. I can’t fully trust anything or anyone- the line of whether I trust you is as fine as a piece of string. As such, my views of myself are just as opposing as my views of people around me. That right there, that black and white standpoint- that’s one of the things I hate myself for.
That said, I’ve been learning steadily but surely to recognize the shades of gray in the world. I don’t hate people just for a white lie anymore, at least. And I’ve started to stop hating myself, too. I still dislike some of my qualities, but I’m learning to respect these imperfections and, in some case, learning to see the good in them.
Today, let’s take a look at a few on each list… And how I’ve grown in relation to them.
My blunt honesty – yes, I know being blunt can be bad to some people- but, by being blunt, I earn trust that I won’t lie about something important.
My creativity – I don’t think I’m exceptionally creative, but I’m certainly above average, in my mind.
My inquisitive nature – While my dozens of questions may annoy some people, there are plenty of people who have praised me for trying to gain as great an understanding of the topic as possible. Plus, learning something new every day is just fun!
I’m caring – My ability to care for people has grown over the years. I still have some selfishness in me, but I’ve learned to try to take care of the people around me when they need it. For example, I often try to help my dad when he’s unwell by fetching him food and drink, making sure he’s taking his medicine, and even recommending some of the as needed medications based on his complaints.
I’m clever – I can be very bright at times with good solutions to a problem, and when I’m not able to come up with one, I rely on others to help me rather than let my pride get in the way. (This is one I’ve worked hard to earn!)
I can get quite jealous – I never thought I could get as pouty and jealous as I do these days. That said, it kind of relates to the next point.
I’m a total worry-wart – I still have bad self esteem, and I have anxiety over a lot of things I shouldn’t. This leaks into relationships sometimes, and I’m trying to learn better positivity skills.
I’m slow on the uptake – If you hold a conversation with me, you’ll know I’m a fairly simple-minded person. I’m easy to please, easy to hurt, and insanely easy to confuse.
I’m a natural flirt – I don’t do it intentionally, and I wasn’t aware I was doing it until a friend pointed it out when I asked for a self-description. Apparently, I’m quite good at leading people on… And I really don’t like that. There’s only one person I want to flirt with! >w<
I’m lazy as all hell – I live a fairly sedentary life. I’m trying to get more active, even if it’s just by walking to the courtyard to get the mail on a regular basis. I’ve also tried taking regular walks, though I’m recently on a decline there. I’m not very prompt with housework, and I spend more time at the computer than I should.
To be honest, I actually had to get help from friends to figure out some of the features I mentioned- but we are all our own worst critics, so the fact that I struggled to think of my good traits is just a sign I need to work harder on my self-esteem! I’ll be sure to do that now!
Say, friends, what are your good and bad traits? I’d love to see where we’re similar! Let me know in the comments, okay? Take care! 🙂