Good afternoon, and welcome back to Soulful Saturday! Today, I’m going to be getting pretty deep. I’m going to be talking about two things that are important to me and are getting celebrated this month: the LGBTQIA+ community and fathers.
Before I get into the nitty gritty, first let me come out bluntly and tell you, I’m not straight. I myself am part of the elusive asexual spectrum. I identify as demisexual and demiromantic. And, if you don’t know what that is… Well, don’t feel too bad. It took me years to come to terms with.
My journey to figuring myself out has been long and dizzying. I’m lucky, as my father has been supportive of me the entire time. In fact, when I first came out to him… He was more surprised I thought it wasn’t obvious. I’ve always been easy to read, though, I suppose.
Now, there’s one thing you have to keep in mind: at the time, I came out as lesbian. I had never found a male attractive to me, and was only interested in the girls around me. Thus, I thought lesbian was the right role… until suddenly, it wasn’t.
I found myself falling for boys just as often as I fell in love with girls. It made me a confused mess- I didn’t understand my criteria that lead me to want to be close to someone. It wasn’t like I didn’t notice attractive people as attractive- even now, a hot girl is a hot girl, as is a hot guy a hot guy. But no matter how attractive someone is, I never feel aroused by them. I wouldn’t want to touch them at all.
And that’s when I finally figured things out: I didn’t care about gender, but I wasn’t pansexual either. I wasn’t bisexual, I wasn’t anything. Because for me, the only way I can feel aroused is if I’m in love with someone- and that only happens after I’ve come to trust them an exuberant amount, along with some unknowns still playing in the background.
Demisexual, as I noted, is a part of the asexual spectrum. To be demi means you’re only attracted to people you have a strong emotional tie to, essentially. For me, ‘friends first’ isn’t just a motto my parents pushed in my head- it’s the only way I can love.
Luckily, throughout this entire ordeal of finding myself and my orientation, my father would listen and has always supported my realizations. He’s so wonderful and open-minded, and he’s always cheering me on. That’s why, this Father’s Day weekend, I wanted to give a shout out to the man that’s always been open-minded and protected me from bigotry, my understanding father. My dad’s the first person who saw me as I was and never judged- and when others did, he’d confront them and comfort me at the same time. He’s seen all my pain and all my joy, and has always been on my side.
So thank you, dad. Thank you for watching over me as I walk down this confusing road known as life. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for all you do. I love you.
To my readers, I thank you as well- both for reading this long wall of text and for sticking with me so far. I hope I can continue to count on you again and again, and that maybe once in a while, you’ll find yourself able to rely on me as well!