Topical Tuesday: Widespread

Hey everyone, welcome back! Did you have a good weekend? I spent the weekend doing all sorts of things, including fight the blahs. But actually, that’s what I want to talk about today. No, not the blahs- though those do deserve a post, maybe Saturday. No, today I want to talk about how varied my interests are and why I’m spread as thin as I am.

Now, I know I said this was going to be a personal blog from now on… But this post is about the fact I burn out easily, have no attention span, and can easily lose track of what’s going on at any given time. There’s a reason my WIP list is 20+ titles long. When I burn out on one, I work a bit on the next one. Recently, I’ve been mixing that methodology by using a different writing program for each as I work on them. That’s hitting two birds with one stone, since I intend to write reviews of these programs for the mag.

But it’s not just writing. I dabble in all sorts of things, ranging from game development to administrating web forums. In fact, I was just recently promoted to administrator by the head admin of a site I frequent, who also happens to host my own forum. There should be a link on the Sites to See page. If it’s missing, let me know.

But here’s the thing- I work on all these projects at the same time. And it’s not just working on projects that I multitask with. I chat, play games, and surf the web- all often while doing my creative work of that time period. Lately, I’ve been playing a lot of minecraft with friends on a multiplayer server. Its given me story ideas to fill out some things… and not always are they flowery ideas. In fact, some are quite morbid.

I’ve gotten back into the Sims 4, too. I spend a good hour a day looking at custom content for it, I think. Then again, I spend a lot of time looking for plugins and graphics for game development.

Of course, there are a few other things that help spread me apart further. I’m big on social media- not popularity-wise, but usage-wise. I’ve been thinking about doing stuff on youtube, too, if I can think of some content. I used to use instagram a lot, and I feel like I should get into it again too… I can make my comipoems again, I just haven’t had the mindset for it somehow.

The big problem for me is this: I have so many projects and things I do at once, I lose focus quickly and skip around between tasks haphazardly. And it also affects my home life. I’m lazy by nature, but by taking up all my time doing these many different projects and the like, I end up putting my chores on pause for days or even weeks at a time. I have so much laundry to fold, guys! It’s not even funny.

And here’s the real kicker: I watch a lot of youtube videos about certain topics. I love watching videos on beauty, weird challenges, organization, bullet journals, stationary, and minimalism. I’m no minimalist, but I feel like my life would be better if I were. I have a bullet journal, but I haven’t written in it in weeks or months. I have plenty of makeup and like putting it on time to time even if I don’t need to because I’m staying home. But organization? I watch those to inspire myself to work on my disastrous bedroom… But so far, in recent weeks, I’m getting nothing. I’m impressed by the things I find, sure, but… Somehow, watching cool methods to organize just makes me feel a little down because I don’t think I could ever do that so confidently. I walk into my room and get an anxiety attack when I think of cleaning it up.

So yeah… I’m pretty well spread thin enough I should snap at any moment. With my various art and development projects, my writing, my social media presence, blogging, surfing the web and playing games, I distract myself from the real problems in my life: my cluttered room that’s more a pig sty than a bedroom; dealing with my anxiety related to cleaning; my trust issues, which I avoid easily by interacting less with people. I have so many personal problems I could write a book about them. Okay, so I kind of plan to- but that’s not my point!

My point is this: I’m overwhelming myself and I know it. But how do I stop myself when all these projects are important to me? And how do I fight the overwhelming fear I feel when it’s time to look in my room and try to tidy it up? I need all the help I can get, so give me your best coping skills- and maybe share what’s burning you out or spreading you thin too!

Soulful Saturday: A Delayed Sit-Down on my Trip to Arizona

Hi hello, friends! I hope the weekend has been treating you well so far! I promised I’d do this last Saturday, but I wasn’t up to it and am learning the art on not overdoing things. So, today, I’m going to talk to you about a couple things: a quick overview of my trip to Arizona last month, and some things I noticed about my daily routine that have changed, including changes I like and don’t like. There’s a lot to cover, but I hope you’ll stick with me until the very end!

So first of all, my trip. In case you’re new to this blog and aren’t aware, I’m in a long distance relationship. I’ve been physically near my boyfriend once a year for two years now, by visiting him in his family home in Arizona. It’s a costly flight, and we both paid for one of the visits- but thankfully, his family lowers my expenses by letting me stay with them when I visit, letting me eat their food as I please, play with their dogs, and just generally feel a part of the household.

This year, the flights to and from Arizona were both heavily delayed. My trip there was delayed by a rowdy group of about 40 Israeli’s on a field trip of some sort. They were very noisy and liked standing up to do things when they weren’t supposed to. I sat next to a very nice young lady and chatted with her a bit, but otherwise, there was nothing really substantial about the flight there besides the large group making a racket.

My flight home was another story. First I was almost put on the wrong plane by someone working to help people that were in wheelchairs by getting them drinks while they wait and getting them on board early when it’s time. Then, there was the weather in Newark, where I was flying to- it was horrible, you guys. We were stuck at the airport an hour, and when we were all ready for takeoff, we were grounded an extra half hour or so! But I gotta say, considering the wild weather when we got home, I can’t help wondering what it was like while we were being told to stay away…

Anyway, a bit about my trip: First off, I enjoyed it, for the most part. I got to spend my boyfriend’s birthday with him, learned lots more about him, and just generally enjoyed my time there. I learned things like what kind of peanut butter he likes, how much effort he puts into minecraft, his work routine (he got most of the week I was there off, but couldn’t manage to get the last day). I got to see him off and welcome him home when he had work, which was nice too.

I also got to know a bit more about the family. His younger sister actually sat and ate with me a couple times, which was new. And by me I mean me once and the entire family once. That hadn’t happened at all last year. Another fun family situation was also at the dinner table. Sometimes, they’ll put the TV on while they eat… And one night, they put on Scare Tactics. I told my boyfriend never to try those pranks on me because I’m a weakling… and his brother was kind enough to say if he ever did try something like that, I could tell anyone in the family and they’d kick his ass for me. For me, that was a really special thing, because it showed even more how welcoming and kind towards me the family is. I’m really grateful for them.

Speaking of gratitude, let’s move on to the habits and routines I mentioned at the start of this blog post. In the past month or so, a lot of my habits have changed. I’ve stopped writing in my gratitude journal, I kinda let my bullet journal go unused the entire time, I’ve stopped using makeup at all (which is actually not a horrible thing to do), and for a while, I stopped taking my meds regularly due to always falling asleep before I was to take them.

Some habits I want to get back on track with. I’m working hard to take my meds before I get tired enough to sleep, and I’ve done a face mask or two since coming back from Arizona. I haven’t used any makeup in over a month, which I’m not sure how I feel about… It helps boost my confidence when I go out, but I didn’t feel I needed it in Arizona like I do here. It’s quite strange, now that I think about it. Why do I feel I need makeup for confidence when I’m in New Jersey, but not in Arizona? Is it a difference of who’s around?

My big concern honestly is that I have no real ‘routine’ anymore. I used to have alarms set to tell me when to do my gratitude journal, but I haven’t touched it in weeks. I’m getting encouragement from friends to help me get pen to paper, so to speak, but… Every time I say I’ll do it, some weird feeling washes over me and makes it hard to even try. And the same issue goes for my bullet journal. I’m mad at myself for dropping it, but no matter what I tell myself, I can’t seem to get myself in the mindset.

As you can see, I have a lot to think about. I also want to make a routine that helps me work on all my creative projects without burning out. All these changes I’ve made and want to reverse are a bit overwhelming… So tell me: What should I focus on first? And, do you have any hints or tricks to getting back into a routine you’ve fallen out of? Are there changes to your personal routine you’d like to make? Tell me any or all of your answers in the comments. I love to see your input!

Throwback Thursday: Stationary

Hey there, guys! Welcome back to my now personally personal blog. (And yes, I know that sounded redundant…But it was fun to say!)

Today’s Throwback Thursday, as the title says, is about stationary. You see, I’ve always had a fascination with stationary. Notebooks, pens, art supplies- if it’s related to paper and what you use to write and draw on it, I’m obsessed, and sometimes very picky. Today, I’m going to talk about three things related to stationary: Stationary I currently have and just love, a memory of how bad my hoarding of notebooks used to get, and a mention of a few other obsessions I collect in my life. Let’s begin, shall we?

My favorite stationary I’ve gotten in recent years include a few pens I own, some nifty pencil sharpeners I haven’t actually used yet, and some really nice notebooks. I’m going to try to include pictures, but I may make you wait on those for another time, as it depends on if I can get a decent image. For now, let me describe some of them.

First off, the pens. My absolute favorite pens I’ve recently gotten include one that has a flashlight shaped like a lamp with a lampshade on the bottom of the pen. The pen’s cap is actually a stand- so you can totally use the albeit dim lamp to light a small area. It’s really cool! My second pen…I sadly lost it somewhere along the way. I know it’s hiding around here somewhere, but I cry when I search because so far, I never find it. ;-; It’s a really cool pen though. It’s actually a multi-tool: it has a ruler, a level and a screw driver all built into one magnificent pen!

The notebooks I have are really something. One is the one I turned into my bullet journal. I got it at the dollar store thinking it was really cute- it’s pink on top and green on the bottom, and it has both an elastic enclosure and a ribbon to keep your place marked. I really need to get back into my journaling… My second notebook was a gift I got in a care package, much like the multi-tool pen. It’s a beautiful, big notebook with a colorful bird adorning the cover. It’s magnificent I tell you!

Okay, we’ve talked about current stationary loves- now let’s talk about the past. You see, there was a time my father and I both collected notebooks and office supplies together. It was so bad we’d filled a little room built into our apartment at the time’s basement. Friends would come over and ask to see our ‘mini Staples’ to find what they might need themselves- and while it was loads of fun, it still shows a concerning trait. Normal people don’t have a room dedicated to stationary!

Of course, it’s not just stationary I collect and hoard. And yes, I’m admitting right now I have hoarder tendencies and an obsessive personality. I’m obsessed with bags and makeup like a stereotypical woman. I’m still proud of my plushie collection as well. Looking at my desk alone, you can tell I have a minor issue with lip balms. Seriously, I have three on my desk. There’s no way I need three different lip balms at my desk. Just one should do.

If you were to come to my house, another thing you’d see a lot of is flashlights. I can count four right on the shelf near me. That’s more my dad’s thing, but I admit… My lampshade pen having a light is pretty wonderful to me. I also have a lot of art supplies sitting near me right now: a container full of colored pencils, a huge box of gel pens… And then those pencil sharpeners I haven’t used yet, which are cool because you can use them to cap your pencils.

Do you like stationary as much as I do? Whether you do or not, I’d love to hear what interesting stationary you have. I’d also love to hear about things you collect, obsess over, or hoard. Let’s share the things we might have problems with- and be proud that we know the things we love so well!

Topical Tuesday: What’s Focus?

I know it’s been a week, and I apologize for the delay! Today, I’d like to talk about something that’s been on my mind a lot lately… My short attention span.

I don’t know when it started. My attention span was never great, but it’s been getting worse lately. I have a wide range of interests may be part of the problem- I keep jumping from writing to forums to game development to watching a variety of youtubers to- well, you get the picture.

Lately, I just feel like I’m out of control. I’ve stopped using my habit trackers for a while now and know I need to go back to it, but restarting is a difficult step. And you know what else is hard? Motivating myself when I can’t keep track of my mind.

I have a basket of laundry that has literally been waiting weeks for me to fold it. I haven’t written in my gratitude journal in months, probably. My bullet journal has been reduced to just a pretty notebook sitting in my travel wallet (yes, it fit in there). I have no drive, no full interest or attention to anything.

Does anyone out there know what’s wrong with me? Can someone tell me why everything feels lackluster and I can’t keep myself working on a project more than a few minutes before something else comes to mind that I want to do? Why do I feel like everything yet nothing is worth anything? I know some of this is probably depression… But I don’t know what to do about it.

So, I ask you, my readers… What advice can you share? Give me all your ideas, your experiences. Have you been here? What helped you? I need all the help I can get… So please don’t hold back, okay?

Topical Tuesday: A Change of Plans

Howdy guys! I’m back to my blogging, but there’s going to be some changes. You won’t see them as much here, but if you’ve been following my Alien Irony: Redux Blog…. Well, that’s going to be taking a back burner for a while. You see, I’ve come to realize a couple things after my just-over-a-week-vacation. I’m starting to burn out from blogging… And there’s one way to fix that: cutting down.

Now, I won’t be cutting down my posts here. Three posts a week is one thing, but the six I was doing is another. And to add to that, I haven’t been doing nearly as much work on Alien Irony: Redux as I’d like to be doing for that blog to have purpose, so while I’m not deleting it, it’ll only get a post maybe once a month for a while, until I’m back on track with that project.

However, I won’t be bothering you guys much with my writing. I will certainly talk about my writing life, but this is going to be a more personal blog from now on. I’ll be continuing my Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday posts as I’d been doing them, and occasionally you’ll see me talk about my writing in general, but it won’t be a focus of this blog for a while. I’ll be making a new blog for that, as I’ve come to determine blending personal and business (and for me, writing isn’t just my life- it’s my job, alongside editing)… Well, it’s not the best way to blog. So, I’m separating them. I’ll update you on what day I’ll be posting on that blog once I’ve set it up.

Another change is that, while I’ll try to be consistent in posting every week on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, I won’t be forcing myself quite as much as I have been from time to time. Since this is a ‘personal’ blog, it means I can adjust things as I need them- even if that means taking a day off. I’ll try not to, mind you, but if I feel too close to burning out, I might just have to. I apologize in advance for any time this may happen in the future.

And… That’s about it for today. I’m not sure what Thursday’s topic will be yet, but I plan to share some details of my trip on Saturday, so be prepared for a long one! But until then… I hope everyone’s been well while I was gone!

Take care, guys! 🙂

Topical Tuesday: Characters I Want As Friends

Howdy gang! Everyone doing well? Today, I really want to do a bookish meme… but it’s not a recent one! I missed out on a particular Top Ten Tuesday the past two weeks that I really wanted to take part in. And so, today’s topic is that meme two weeks late: Characters I Wanna Be Friends With. This list is in no particular order, mind you- it’s just in the order I thought of them.

Ana Gram – Phi Brain: Kami no Puzzle

I absolutely adore Ana. He’s a great example of ‘looks can be deceiving’. While he often acts as a lackadaisical artist, he’s actually quite bright and is extremely observant and understanding of the human mind. Honestly, though, I just like how innocently he portrays himself- and how dark he can get if things go a bad direction. His punny name also helps.

Nyanko-sensei – Natsume Yuujinchou

Who wouldn’t want to be friends with a greatly powerful yokai stuck in the body of a weird sort of cat? Especially a totally tsundere one? Probably a lot of people, actually… But I think Nyanko-sensei is a great ally, and I’d probably love to pieces having him as a friend. He holds nothing back- but he can be really sweet sometimes too!

Takashi – Natsume Yuujinchou

Natsume Takashi, the titular character, is another guy I’d like to be friends with. He’s a gentle spirit who likes to help others, and he somehow manages to keep up with both the human and spirit worlds. Though he starts out virtually hating yokai, his ability to bring the two worlds together is fascinating as a skill. Again, though, I also just like how he’s a gentle person.

Mayuko – High Rise Invasion

Mayuko Nise is one tough cookie, and one I’d love to have on my side in a fight. She’s a bit too like me in that she has trouble trusting people- but, to be fair, she’s currently stuck in a world where you either die by jumping off a roof or die by being killed by the means of a mysterious race known as angels. Despite the highly volatile situation, she was able to change and trust someone, and that’s just so strong…
It makes me want to learn from her, all in all.

Hades-sensei – Hokenshitsu no Shinigami

Whenever I hear the word ‘Hades’, I never really think of someone I’d like to be friends with. However, Hades-sensei isn’t nearly as scary as his looks may make him seem. Sure, he’s not exactly a normal person- but it’d take a person who’s not so normal to cure people infected by disease demons! I really like how, despite the way he’s seen or treated, Hades-sensei always does his best to help others, even if it often has an awkward and unusual result.

Karuta Roromiya – Inu x Boku SS

Though her yokai form scares me senseless, Karuta in her human form and in her heart is a person I’d love to be friends with. She’s all for sharing food with people she cares for. She’s soft-spoken, but not afraid to speak bluntly when she deems it necessary. I feel like we’d get along in our similarities, and especially our love of snacks.

Hotate – Yamamoto Zenjirou to Moushimasu

Hotate may be a young girl (okay, a lot of the characters are well younger than me, but Hotate’s in grade school for crying out loud!), but she’s a hard worker always trying to help people with her special ability. While she’s dealt with quite a bit of adversity in her life due to it, Hotate doesn’t often blame this power of hers. Instead, she grows to use it to aid others, and even to make a few friends! I’d love to be one of them!

Mayoi – Acchi Kocchi

Mayoi is a very, uh… Unique type of person. She’s a genius in her own right, but she’s also a prankster. You’d think I wouldn’t want to be friendly with someone who can do such things with a straight face, but she’s just trying to get everyone to enjoy themselves in some ways. I like how she always helps start the fun that leads to chaos. I feel like if we were friends, I’d get out more often. xD

Uru – Shiawase Kissa Sanchome

I loved a lot of the characters in Shiawase Kissa Sanchome, but no one beats the heroine, at least to me. Uru is a strong-willed girl with brute strength of unbelievable ability. She likes to meddle into other people’s affairs, but she usually only does it because she means well and wants to help. I feel like we’d get along, because while she can be a bit rowdy, she knows how to slow down for people that can’t keep up. She’s a sweet girl, and she deserves all the happiness in the world- and all the friends, too!

Nozaki – Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun

Nozaki, like me, is a writer. He can be pretty oblivious at times, like I can, but he tries his hardest to learn from his mistakes. To Nozaki, everything is inspiration. As fellow writers, I think we’d get along really easily, especially through talking shop and bouncing ideas back and forth!

I know this post has gotten pretty long, and I apologize, guys. I just couldn’t help myself- this topic was really fun for me, after all! Still, I’m also just so glad to be back- I’ve been so excited for this, it’s a shame it had to wait until now.

Before you go… Have you read any of the series I noted in this post? What did you like/dislike about the characters I chose? I’d love to hear some characters you want as your besties too! So stick around and at least leave me a note about it. I love your comments! You help me grow, too!

Topical Tuesday: Taking a Quick Break

Hihi guys! Thanks for coming back to see me. Today, though, the topic isn’t as light-hearted… Wait, yes it is. I’m going on vacation!

For those of you who don’t know, I’m in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of nearly two years. Because we live in states that are fairly far apart, we don’t see each other that often. In fact, my first time meeting him was also a bit of a ‘meet the family’ deal, since he lives at home. Well, I missed out last year on getting to see him for his birthday, but this year… I’ll be there!

However, as I’ll be staying with the family who are all kind and friendly to me, and even more so spending time with the man I love, I can’t guarantee how often I’ll be using my computer and, when I do, being able to update the blog. I promise this is only going to be for a week or so- I return on the 22nd and leave tomorrow.

I’ll try to post if and when I can, but you’ll more likely see me on Twitter, Discord and some of the forums I love when I’m online. I apologize if this is too late to tell you about this trip- I thought a day was enough, but you can let me know if I should’ve said so sooner.

Anywho, that’s all I really have to say for the time being. I look forward to seeing you all back with my regularly scheduled posts after I get past the jet lag from going to Arizona. I wish you all a wonderful week! <3 Take care!

Soulful Saturday: PTSD 2

Hey guys, how’s it going? Last week, I got some great reactions to my Saturday article talking about my trigger involving my uncle (don’t worry, I won’t cry saying it right now). It was requested I share more of my triggers, and those do tend to be very deep, albeit difficult subjects. So, Soulful Saturday seems perfect for it!

Today, I’m taking you back to my high school years. I lived in a two family house, with neighbors that regularly changed. I believe I was in 10th grade? I’m pretty sure it was while I was at Cornerstone… Or was it NAA? Oh well. Point blank, we had a very troublesome neighbor. I’ll go on and explain some of the things he did.

It started with water pouring all over our dining room table. Apparently he’d flooded his kitchen or something of the sort? He promised to pay for the damaged goods, but he didn’t have insurance, if I recall correctly. He offered to fix it, even.

All I know is when we questioned him for updates on getting paid back the damages, he started to change for the worse. He was volatile, banging on our windows first thing in the morning, using his leaf blower right near my computer desk’s window knowing it would hurt my head and drive me nuts. Eventually, he and my father had a confrontation.

Unfortunately, when the police came, dad- who hadn’t started it at all or even taken much part- was unscathed, while the neighbor had a bloody nose. They didn’t make any charges or anything, but it didn’t make them like us very much.

The harrassment began to get worse after that. In fact, the man went so far as to come up to the van I was being brought home in and put his leaf blower right at the window nearest me. The driver and my classmates were horrified that this would happen. I was crying by the time I got inside.

And soon enough, it all came to a head. The neighbor was pounding so hard on our door, our living room clock fell off the wall. The noise was horrifying, and I ran to hide. Dad went out and didn’t fight back, even as the bastard kicked him hard with steel-toed boots. The police came once again, this time to a very different scene. I have a vague memory that I was threatened to be next, but dad says that didn’t happen.

Unfortunately, that false memory still remains, as does the very real memory of seeing all my father’s injuries being checked. He was already in horrid shape- he is half of where I get my fibromyalgia from, and he’s had MRSA twice so far in his legs. I don’t recall if he was diagnosed yet with psoriatic arthritis, but… either way, the point is he wasn’t in the best of health as it was, and this guy felt a need to attack.

Now, there’s a couple things I didn’t mention about this man.

  1. He was a severe alcoholic
  2. He was taking advantage of a woman he promised to help get her green card
  3. He was just messed up, according to said woman, but she couldn’t leave.

Knowing all this, I became paranoid for a few years that he’d find us and attack again. I became afraid of anyone that drinks alcohol for a while, because I assumed they could be just like that man that haunts my nightmares. The two upstairs disappeared, but I didn’t feel safe until we moved ourselves. And sometimes, I still worry he’ll come after us. I don’t know why… I just fear it.

I have many fears that relate to this one incident alone. A fear of alcoholics (though my uncle had already partially instilled that in me. I’m getting over it though, at least a bit!), androphobia (fear of men, for me mostly ones I don’t know. It just added to it), and a fear of leaf-blowers that I try not to think about when there’s landscaping being done outside. To be honest, that last one I haven’t even really talked to dad about… You’re the first to know this secret.

I think that’s enough for today. Do you have any of the fears I mentioned? I’d love to hear more about you- whether you want to share what kind of drunk you are or what makes you uneasy. I’m greatly hopeful you never have to experience such a deranged person. I wish you all the best of luck. Thank you for continuing to read my life.

Throwback Thursday: Mental Health Diagnoses

Hey everyone, how are you? I’m doing alright myself, but I’m having some issues that regard my mental health. After looking back quite a while, I realized that I never actually told you all of my conditions and how they affect me in my daily life. I have a lot of diagnoses on my rap sheet, both physical and mental, but I was thinking that today, I could look back on my mental health issues and share just what happens when they act up. On that note, let’s begin. In no particular order:

Schizoaffective Disorder: Not my oldest nor my newest diagnosis, this disorder is essentially a two in one type of deal. People with schizoaffective disorder, from how my doctors have explained it to me, is when a person has schizophrenic tendencies (psychosis and the like) along with a mood disorder, such as my bipolar type 1 (the kind with full blown mania). It can also be schizophrenic tendencies and major depression disorder.

  1. In my case, this means I have hallucinations- mine tend to be more auditory, but I occasionally see people in a scene that aren’t there, which leads me to tugging at my dad’s shirt and asking if someone is real or not. My meds help with that now though, for the most part… So that’s good.
  2. Unfortunately, though, I also need meds that control my mania (which my anti-psychotic is actually additionally useful for). I once went to Walgreens on a walk and ended up spending eighty bucks I didn’t intend to spend. I was energetically leaving the store and gave myself a once over realizing what I’d just done. I didn’t go back though- instead, I kept it as a reminder to myself what happens when I shop alone (that, and I’d intended to get some cosmetics, just didn’t expect the price!).
  3. I have a fairly unhinged cycle when it comes to my mania and depression- but when they hit, they hit hard. I spend depressive cycles fighting my urge to self-harm, crying uncontrollably over the tiniest thing and basically just look and feel like a total nutjob.

Borderline Personality Disorder: I can’t help but bring this up again. Yes, I have a personality disorder. It basically means my ability to trust has been warped by my abandonment issues. And let me admit: I’ve been abandoned (emotionally) by a lot of people, all starting with my mother. By age thirteen, I had a psychiatrist wanting to label me with the disorder, but legally unable. But basically, I see the world in black and white, metaphorically speaking. There’s a fine line between good and bad and I can easily place people on one side or the other at the drop of a hat. It’s far from something I’m proud of, and I’m trying to fight it- but it’s still a problem, and it’s still part of me.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (with Panic): As the name suggests, I have a strong tendency to be anxious over things that don’t require/normally trigger it in people. And, at times, my anxiety gets so bad I’ll have panic attacks over said things. I can get overly anxious over things like being late or spilling food. If it’s something to worry about, I can find it.

PTSD: I’m telling about what lead to those on Saturdays for a while, so I’ll just explain there. Besides, you probably know this one too.

OCD: Another common disorder, but how it affects me may not be quite the same as other people. For me, it’s an urge to correct things: adjusting all the store products to be aligned just right when I don’t work there, my inability to ignore a typo without correcting it or I can’t concentrate. You’d think this would make me very meticulous with my room or desk, but it doesn’t. I have my routines, but it doesn’t involve cleaning up. I’m still a clutterbug- just one that likes things to be all facing the same way.

I do have some other diagnoses, but these five are the main issues. I may do another of these but for my physical ailments, depending on what you guys think. But until then, let me know: do you want more? Do you have any of these yourself? Ask any questions or responses in the comments. I love hearing from you guys! But for now, take care. See you Saturday!

Topical Tuesday: Communication is Key!

Morning, everyone! Are you having a good day so far? Today, I want to talk to you about a little thing called ‘communication’. Yes, we all hear about this word when it comes to trying to get along with people. However, I’d like to discuss a few things that pertain to my own communication skills and flaws. So, let’s begin.

Offline, my communication can be pretty awkward. I often speak too fast and quietly for people to hear, and it only gets worse when I’m anxious. And that’s not the only issue! My wording is often a mess- and so, sometimes, I avoid voicing the things on my mind, when my blunt honesty isn’t in effect. Neither bluntness nor silence make for a great person to be around. What’s interesting is who I’m the quietest with. The more I trust you, the less I feel a need to speak.

With strangers, I’ll babble on about anything just to deal with the awkwardness… But, for example, when I’m with my boyfriend in person, I didn’t actually speak nearly as much as when we’d chat online. And that last part I’d like to emphasize for a moment. Why do I talk to people more online than offline, whether I’m close to them or not?

I think the answer is not being able to see them. I get really awkward whether it’s voice or video chats. For me, the more real it is, the more I find it hard to separate it from reality and thus my usual feelings of relief take the wheel and I go quiet. That’s just my hypothesis. I can’t really tell what the truth is though.

Another issue I have with communication is wording. I write better than I speak- when I speak, I often sound like a chicken with its head cut off. I misunderstand things easily, miss puns, and can’t always recognize sarcasm or jokes. I also can’t hide my feelings well on my face, so my words don’t fool anyone. I’m the worst liar I know, and my wording only makes it worse. I misuse idioms and want to hit my head on something the moment I realize it. I stall and stutter, which is a not so great quality either.

Basically, talking makes me uneasy, but not talking makes me uneasy. I guess overall… Communication just makes me anxious? It’s something I’m not proud of… So I better get to work on that!

Do any of you struggle with communication? Do you have any tips or tricks that help you with talking slower and louder, and just keeping small talk alive? I really don’t know what I’m doing… But I’m sure someone out there does! So, if you have any ideas at all, please share them in the comments for the rest of us. Pretty please with sugar on top? I promise, I’ll thank you.