Topical Tuesday: CampNaNo

Hello everyone, and welcome to Topical Tuesday! Today, my topic is actually more of a status update on my life: I’m officially taking part in CampNaNoWriMo next month!

If you don’t know what CampNaNo or NaNoWriMo are in general, NaNoWriMo is an event each November that pushes you to write a novel of 50,000 words in just that month. Camp, however, is an event that’s much more relaxed: you choose your goal, work on anything you’d like, and you’re not even confined to word counting! It’s every April and every July. I highly recommend them all!

The greatest thing about NaNo and CampNaNo is the community aspect. This year, I’m joining in on a couple festivities held on the NaNoWriMo forums for Camp: the postcard swap and the care package swap! I did the postcard swap during April, and it was a lot of fun getting postcards from both around my country and even the world. I got some great encouragement through them, and think the care packages will be even more thrilling to send and receive! It’s like a free goodiebag! I already have ideas of things I’ll send.

Now, I’ve told you about the special related events, but what I haven’t talked about is my goal for July. I failed horribly in April doing a page count for a script. This month, I decided to make it easier on myself in two ways: One, I’m writing in novel format. Two, I’m going by hours. I want to spend one hour a day writing this project or working on it in some way.

I hear you asking me, “But Jaluna, you haven’t told us your project yet!”

Yes, you’re right. I haven’t yet. Let’s fix that! My project is a magical girl tragedy/death game. I love reading death game manga, so I decided I wanted to make one of my own- and I was really inspired by manga like Mahou Shoujo Site and Mahou Shoujo of the End to make my own quirky and dark magical girl story. The project is officially called Treasure of Eternity- and I promise I’ll share snippets with you as I write it.

All that said and done, Camp means I’ll likely be altering my posting schedule both here and on the Alien Irony Redux blog. I’m going to start doing calculations today about how I wanna go about things- I’ll get back to you on it next Tuesday.

So, until then… Have a great week, guys! And don’t forget to tell me any thoughts you have in the comments!

Unplanned Update: Reviews!

Hey guys! Jaluna here (obviously). Today, I’d like to talk to you a quick moment about a new feature I intend to add to my blog. If you read the title, you probably already get where this is going but… I’m going to be doing reviews! I intend to review manga and video games no matter what, but I’m also thinking… What else can I review? And so, I came up with this quick survey to get your input. I put some of my own ideas in it- but feel free to share your own! I want an idea of how people feel about different topics being on this blog once in a while. Please be honest with me, okay?

Soulful Saturday: Dad and Pride

Good afternoon, and welcome back to Soulful Saturday! Today, I’m going to be getting pretty deep. I’m going to be talking about two things that are important to me and are getting celebrated this month: the LGBTQIA+ community and fathers.

Before I get into the nitty gritty, first let me come out bluntly and tell you, I’m not straight. I myself am part of the elusive asexual spectrum. I identify as demisexual and demiromantic. And, if you don’t know what that is… Well, don’t feel too bad. It took me years to come to terms with.

My journey to figuring myself out has been long and dizzying. I’m lucky, as my father has been supportive of me the entire time. In fact, when I first came out to him… He was more surprised I thought it wasn’t obvious. I’ve always been easy to read, though, I suppose.

Now, there’s one thing you have to keep in mind: at the time, I came out as lesbian. I had never found a male attractive to me, and was only interested in the girls around me. Thus, I thought lesbian was the right role… until suddenly, it wasn’t.

I found myself falling for boys just as often as I fell in love with girls. It made me a confused mess- I didn’t understand my criteria that lead me to want to be close to someone. It wasn’t like I didn’t notice attractive people as attractive- even now, a hot girl is a hot girl, as is a hot guy a hot guy. But no matter how attractive someone is, I never feel aroused by them. I wouldn’t want to touch them at all.

And that’s when I finally figured things out: I didn’t care about gender, but I wasn’t pansexual either. I wasn’t bisexual, I wasn’t anything. Because for me, the only way I can feel aroused is if I’m in love with someone- and that only happens after I’ve come to trust them an exuberant amount, along with some unknowns still playing in the background.

Demisexual, as I noted, is a part of the asexual spectrum. To be demi means you’re only attracted to people you have a strong emotional tie to, essentially. For me, ‘friends first’ isn’t just a motto my parents pushed in my head- it’s the only way I can love.

Luckily, throughout this entire ordeal of finding myself and my orientation, my father would listen and has always supported my realizations. He’s so wonderful and open-minded, and he’s always cheering me on. That’s why, this Father’s Day weekend, I wanted to give a shout out to the man that’s always been open-minded and protected me from bigotry, my understanding father. My dad’s the first person who saw me as I was and never judged- and when others did, he’d confront them and comfort me at the same time. He’s seen all my pain and all my joy, and has always been on my side.

So thank you, dad. Thank you for watching over me as I walk down this confusing road known as life. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for all you do. I love you.

To my readers, I thank you as well- both for reading this long wall of text and for sticking with me so far. I hope I can continue to count on you again and again, and that maybe once in a while, you’ll find yourself able to rely on me as well!

Throwback Thursday: Health Month of Hell

Good afternoon, friends! Today’s Throwback Thursday is inspired by my recent decline in health due to medicine I’ve been on running me ragged. Rather than one memory, I plan today to share with you memories of a short period of time, a time going back all the way to my middle school years. That year, you see, I was sent to the hospital three times in a single month, for three different things… And here, I’ll tell you what was found, and how it still effects me today.

(Please note, I actually don’t remember what order they happened anymore… I’m just sharing the pretext in the order that I deem suitable.)

The first cause was my heart condition. I had been blacking out and finding myself on the floor one too many times, and finally ended up making someone take me to the hospital to get it figured out. It was at that time that they discovered something: I had a heart condition, WPW. The same WPW that I have since had removed through surgery to burn off extra nerves.

To be fair, though, that wasn’t the only reason for my fainting spells. I still get close to blacking out, but now it’s purely because of my low blood pressure- and my pulse, sadly, hasn’t gotten much lower since getting my WPW fixed. That said, there were a lot of things the WPW was affecting… And now, let’s talk about one of those things.

The second cause to send me to the hospital was my migraines. I was sent from school because I couldn’t concentrate and was holding my head in tears. It was a fairly easy diagnosis, but because of my heart condition and age, the options of what to give me were a bit limited and awkward. The first medication I was put on for my migraines, once my body got used to 800mg of advil regularly, was percocet.

Sadly, my migraines still exist. That’s why I’m out of sorts in fact, because of medicine to break a cycle that’s lasted too long. I’ve been hospitalized more than once because of my migraines, but I pray each time it will be the last. So far, last one was… So far.

And my final cause? My anxiety. I had such a bad attack at school that my body was affected- I lost the ability to use one of my legs. At the time, we didn’t know what the cause was. I was sent by ambulance to the hospital, and spent twelve hours there. It was after they talked about a spinal tap that my leg snapped back into working order. Apparently, the two anxieties fought over me, and the one fearing a spinal tap won. I was immediately told I required psychiatric counseling. I still have it today.

Now, the anxiety right now is familiar. Whenever my heart would go out of whack, my anxiety would join in and make it worse. Right now, I think that’s happening to me on a daily basis. I’m on steroids- steroids that have me as mentally unstable as I was off my meds (even if I’m taking them!). And from there, my heart is affected by the anxiety and immense emotion my body is dealing with, leading to my pulse rising and blood pressure dropping low.

Today, sitting or standing, my blood pressure had a diastolic of under 60. I was close to 90/50 no matter which pose I took, which for me is pretty abnormal. Either way, it’s leading to a dizziness level I haven’t had in a long time… And that’s what led me to these memories I share with you.

The moral of the story: If you don’t feel right, get checked out. Don’t be me and wait until the problem gets to an excessive state. Alright, that’s all for your little lesson. Take care, guys!

Topical Tuesday: Goals

Hey there everybody! It’s Topical Tuesday, so it’s time for some light-hearted conversation… about goals. I know, I know. Goals aren’t light-hearted in the long run- but it’s a topic I deem worthy anyway. After all, I’m just telling you some of mine. I’ll tell you just a bit, I swear- just some of the things I’m working on, saving for, and hoping to achieve. But first, a big thank you to my new friend at http://evereview.xyz/ for the inspiration!

Now, I’m a person who tends to stretch themselves thin- I have a lot of goals, and sometimes, that can be a real nuisance. I have goals in all sorts of criteria, ranging from travel plans and expenses to projects and how I want them to work. So, today, I’m going to just share a few of my goals in each category. This will be short and sweet, I guarantee!

Financial Goals

Currently, my financial goals coincide with my health and travel goals. I’m not gonna give you the total I need for the medical stuff, since I don’t know that. But, I have two big trips planned for this year, so I need to work hard to save up!

Goals in this criteria include…
*Visiting Arizona
*Helping a couple panels at Anime North
*Getting back into therapy (and affording it!)
*Getting rid of my migraines once and for all.
*Getting the depo shot.

Okay, I have more goals than I realized… But see? These are just some of my goals! My other goals include projects. Yep, it’s time…

Project Goals

Unlike things like my financially inclined goals, my goals for projects are a bit more relaxed.

For example…
*Being able to start making Alien Irony: Redux manga, at least four to five chapters for book one.
*Starting my for-fun magical girl project, Treasure of Eternity
*Enter five poetry contests or calls for submission in the next couple months.
*Start working on VN project Crow.
*Decluttering my room (this counts as a project right?)

Other Goals

After those goals, all I have is a wishlist of things to buy, really, including…
*A new computer
*A better mic and webcam
*More books
*Probably some new shoes that aren’t sneakers

And that’s pretty much it! As I said, I have a LOT of goals- and these don’t even include goals regarding the magazine. Are you the type to have a lot of goals like me, or just broader goals in general? I’d love to hear your input. Until next time!

Soulful Saturday: My Love

Good afternoon everyone! Are you all having a great Saturday? This Soulful Saturday, I’d like to take a look at something positive- it’ll help counter all the blues from this past week’s pain fest and my related Throwback post on Thursday. I’ve got new meds to get used to and a steroid injection helping my knee be bearable, so I thought I should keep this week’s deep conversation on the lighter, optimistic side. And what’s more sweet than love?

For those of you unaware, I have a boyfriend. He’s a man with a special place in my heart that I never even knew existed until I met him. He’s bad with compliments, so I’m going to pray he never gets to read this blog post- because today, after looking at a list of blog ideas from PopSugar, I decided to go with their ‘things you love about your SO or best friend’ prompt.

This could get long, so I’ll try not to overdo it. But really, I love a lot of things about my honey- things he hates about himself sometimes, even. It’s like a mix of two old sayings: we are our own worst critics, and one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Only in this case, the person is both his own trash and my treasure. Which sounds weird after I say it… But oh well!

Anyway, let’s start with some of the very basic things I love about him. Things I knew I loved about him before we physically met, to be precise. For starters, he’s helped me grow unimaginably. He lied a fair bit to try to seem older or more suave than he really is, but somehow… I was just that much happier hearing the truth about who he really is. His insecurities somehow charmed me in some way that I can’t comprehend- and instead of my usual switch being flipped into hatred for the lies, I was so grateful for the truth I fell for him harder. Weird, right?

There’s also his creativity. We met on a roleplay forum, so naturally I knew he at least enjoyed communal writing. His writing style fascinates me, because it’s just so different from mine, especially in roleplays. He plans out multiple routes for how his character will grow and bases them on what things happen in the game. The more they feel or experience certain emotions/triggers, the more they’re headed down a specific path. It’s a lot like a visual novel, or a pick your own adventure book- all devised by one person in a group of many.

His natural insecurities both irritate and yet sometimes flatter me. He’s always telling me how I deserve better than him, only to have me remind him better isn’t what I care about. He sees me so highly, it’s sometimes embarrassing because I honestly believe I’m not as great as he makes me sound. That said, the fact he’s honest about his insecurities, and even his jealousy early on, make me feel special in a way I don’t normally imagine or think about. And, naturally, I try to tell him mine just as much, if not maybe too much. I can’t help wanting him to know how much I adore him, and how nervous I get about the idea of losing him.

Now, a bit about things I only learned after meeting him. Some of these were related to things we talked about online, but others were total surprises. Let’s see, where to start…

Well first off, he works hard to be a gentleman towards me. He pulled my chair out at family dinner (I spent the entire week with his family since he lives at home- surprisingly didn’t feel all that awkward after only a couple of hours!). He fought his discomfort with touch to allow me to hug him or hold his hand when my touchy-feely self needed to. He wouldn’t let me pay for pretty much anything, either. Such a charming gentleman- he barely curses at all, too. I feel embarrassed being such a potty mouth when I think about it…

There’s also some of his skills and habits. For starters, even in real life, he doesn’t get as upset as most do for my self-deprecating humor. When I asked why he was staying with an old lady like me, he pointed out it was because he loved her/me. His skills at tending to dogs I knew at least a bit about before we met as well- he often talked about his own dog, Nyx. He knew her well enough to know when it was safe for her to be out of the cage around me midweek, versus the start when she was apparently growling angrily at me for existing at first (honestly I hadn’t noticed, so I was extra impressed!)

He has some great talents, too. His pancakes were absolutely delicious, he has a smile that, to me, lights up the room… and he has a positively adorable Stitch impression that I will never get over.

And my favorite thing about him? Aside the lies at first and the gentlemanly moments, he was the man I was made to expect he was. We spent most of our time in his room- and a lot of that was me watching him playing one of various video games. Luckily, I personally enjoy watching people play games, though only really in person. He was more than willing to explain things about the games to me as he played, and wouldn’t get upset if I suddenly fell asleep while sprawled out on his bed. Basically, he’s a laid-back man with a clear view of what he enjoys, and he doesn’t try to be someone he’s not with me anymore. To me, that’s the perfect catch: someone who won’t try to act more like a ‘regular person’, or like someone that does a lot of different kinds of things. He readily admitted to me he was what he considers a ‘boring person’… But based on my just writing a thousand words about him, I think there’s proof he’s not boring in the least!

I think I’ve rambled enough. Now you know more about my beloved than ever before… So why not tell me about yours in the comments? I’d love to hear all about the ones you love!

Throwback Thursday: My Trick Knee

It’s hard to believe the week’s almost over- but I’m honestly thankful for today. I’m seeing two doctors about two pain problems I’m having, all in one day! Realizing that, I decided a good memory to talk to you about this Throwback Thursday is the cause of one of my major pain centers: my trick knee.

You normally would think only an old lady would have a knee pain that varies by the weather, but here I sit behind the screen to tell you, mine does too. This past week, the weather has been fairly decent- but the changes in air pressure, amongst other things, made my week a living hell for my left knee. The thing is, thinking over it, I do know, generally, what caused my knee to end up like this. And today, you’ll learn too.

It was when I was in eighth grade, living with my aunt in California. I was in a number of extracurricular activities, including track and field, basketball and Model United Nations. It was a big track meet that started it all. I was on the team as a discus thrower (apparently I was good at it, since I got into the semi-finals). In the area of the grass that the discus was taking part, there was a ‘safe zone’ for people waiting their turn to sit. And, naturally, I sat on that grass happily, waiting to be called up to throw that six pound rubber disc as far as possible.

Unfortunately, it turned out the safe zone wasn’t so safe. I don’t know how it was rolled or thrown- I didn’t see it coming- but that rebounder’s return was sent straight for my knee. It wasn’t horribly fast- but getting hit by a moving six pound object on a ball joint isn’t exactly the best thing for your body. Still, I was fine… for the moment.

The problem is, it happened twice. I’d gone further into the safe zone where I was sure I couldn’t get hit- yet somehow, by pure bad luck, my left knee took another discus return head on. But it’s not just these two incidents that made my knee the way it is. No, it was a lot more.

That week wasn’t just my track meet. It was also a conference for Model UN with other Model UN groups from around the area. We spent a couple days in Pasadena, staying in a nice hotel meant for these kinds of conferences. In my case, the room I was put in for my part was a smaller room with a square made out of tables and chairs close to the support beam. Naturally, I ended up next to the support beam… And kept kneeing it as I tried to get out of my chair.

So first it was two six pound rubber discs, then it was me banging my knee when getting up into a support beam probably made of plaster or some other heavy duty material. And that wasn’t the end of it! I’m naturally clumsy- and when I got home and was trying to get into an under-sink cabinet, I fell onto my knees while trying to crouch. That was the worst pain it gave me that week- but my aunt said it’d be fine in a few days (if I recall correctly). She’s a doctor, so I trusted her judgment- even though I know her judgment isn’t always perfect in certain situations.

It’s been fifteen years now since then. My knee is probably where I get some of my worst pain outside my migraines and my back filled with spinal damage. When the weather starts changing, my knee starts to hurt so much it’s hard to walk or do almost anything. And so, today I plan to ask my doctor for a steroid shot in it. I got one in December, and it did wonders! Wish me luck I get that result again soon- because I clearly need all the luck I can get!

Topical Tuesday: Top Ten Manga

Hihi! How’s it going guys? Today, I’m shaking things up a bit by doing a book meme for blogs: Top Ten Tuesday. If you’ve been following my Alien Irony Redux Blog, you’ll know I’ve started doing these every so often to spread my wings a bit. Topical Tuesday is still just that: a topic. And this is my topic for today.

So, what is Top Ten Tuesday as a book meme? Well, it’s a meme hosted by That Artsy Reader Girl. This week, we’re meant to share our top ten favorite books of our favorite genre. I know manga have genres, but it’s so hard to choose one genre in it I love… So I’m going to share a variety, telling you things about each one, and hoping maybe you’ll love them too! (Please note, there’s no real hierarchy here. I just wrote it in the way I thought fit best!)

Alive The Final Evolution

This manga, which deals with the concepts of life and death quite uniquely, has to be my favorite manga hands down. I’ve read it at least six times now- and every time, I’ve been enthralled by the characters and the powers they grow to possess. This manga is not for those with weak hearts. There’s a lot of suicide, murder and gore. Honestly, I don’t know how I managed to read it so often. With major twists and turns and an unbelievable fate for the world, this manga is definitely number one in my eyes. Happy Sugar Life

Happy Sugar Life

Don’t let the title fool you- this manga is a psychological horror that cuts deep and displays the danger of pure obsession. The heroine will do anything to keep a young child she adores by her side- kidnapping, murder, literally anything. She wants to maintain her ‘happy sugar life’ with her beloved, even if there were many wrongs going on about it. This story took a lot of confusing turns to me, but they lead me to feel far more inspired and intrigued than I thought they would. The tension, the strong emotional ties- it’s all so… Moving. I almost wanted to cheer on the crazy heroine!

Mushi to Medama to Teddy Bear

Mushi to Medama to Teddy Bear starts off with a sweet but illegal couple being cute- that is, until there’s a surprise attack on the young teenager by another girl. Appearing to be murdered with her eyes gouged out, only to be alive with more blood loss than she should be able to bare. This manga brings a whole new idea to the story of Adam and Eve… and it’s simply amazing, if I’m being honest.

King’s Game: Origin

King’s Game is a well known horror manga… But if you want a really good death game of sorts, King’s Game: Origin, the prequel, is where it’s at to me. Someone called the king leaves a note, and if you don’t obey… Well, bye bye. You’re gonna die in whatever way the note says, whether you like it or not! This prequel really gives you some interesting twists, and shows how stress can lead to insanity and impulsive actions that are dangerous to yourself and around you. It’s just… Amazing. Literally bloody amazing.Dolls Code

Dolls Code

This manga, another psychological horror, focuses on juvenile criminals that have committed some form of a crime. In this detention, however, they have one of their body parts taken from them when they enter the school- for the hero, that happens to be his memories. Supposedly, the part relates to the crime they’ve performed- but that’s not all. The parts were used to create a humanoid doll! With a doll in their midst, the teens must partake in puzzles and games that will test their wits, sanity and more- all to escape from this prison school alive.High Rise Invasion

High Rise Invasion

High Rise Invasion is up there with Alive for me. This piece of speculative fiction follows a young teenager who finds herself waking up in a strange world where only tall buildings exist and the only way you’re allowed to go to the ground is by jumping to your death. Add the people wearing masks that will try to scare you into jumping or kill you if you refuse to try, and you’ve got the weirdest idea of a way to create a new god that might ever exist. The characters are strong, there’s more mystery than I can explain in a short blurb, and it really makes you wonder what you’d do in that sort of situation. Would you have the strength to fight the masks?

The Bride Was A Boy

Finally, the list is taking an uplifting turn! No more horror in here! The Bride Was A Boy, which started out as a comic blog at first, is a true story of how the author, Chii, came out as transgender and began to live her life as the woman she was meant to be. She covers everything from coming out, dating, and even getting her sex changed to marry her beloved husband. It’s educational and adorable! I can’t push it enough!

Tabi no Michizure

Okay, I might have lied a little bit. To some, this might very well be a horrifying concept: a girl gets off a train and finds herself in a town that repeats the same day, every day… and the roads eat people lacking the right marking to pass through. I really love this one so far- the mystery of why only things used by Tabi disappear during the reset is an interesting add on. It also makes me wonder… How would I react being one of the few that realizes the groundhog day effect?

Nukoduke

If you like cuteness and constant fluff, Nukoduke is the manga for you. It follows a lackadaisical young man who one day finds a pair of nukos- tiny cats with partially human bodies and the ability to speak. He unthinkingly brings them home, and so starts their lives together. The characters are all kind of focused on one major personality aspect, but it’s full of interesting growth in the connections between nuko and people, and it is just constantly sweet as pie. Expect insanity, sweet moments and good times!

Yandere Kanojo

Do you like slapstick comedy? Do you like couples that seem unexpected based on cliques? If you’re a fan of such things, you might like Yandere Kanojo, a gag manga on all accounts. The manga follows a gang leader and her boyfriend, an average guy who, to others, has no real redeeming qualities. The manga slowly but surely expands its cast to have a wide variety of kooky characters- a masochistic little sister, a teacher afraid of groups and people that looks scary when he’s teaching class, and so much more. The relationships grow well, and there’s a lot of fun to be had. Give it a go- even in short bursts, I promise you’ll find a reason to smile laugh!

And that’s all for me today. What manga would be on your top ten? Which of these do you love or hate? Tell me all about your manga tastes in the comments- I might just find new ones to love!

Soulful Saturday: Strengths and Weaknesses

Good afternoon everyone, and welcome to June! This is a month where change is slowly coming as summer makes its way to the northern hemisphere- not that it feels like it hasn’t already. Still, you’re not here for a lesson on the Gregorian calendar. You’re here for me to pour my soul out today!

To be completely honest, I had a lot of problems coming up with a topic… So, I looked at a website full of journaling prompts and said, “Hey, I can totally use some of these for blog posts!” And so, I found two prompts that inspired this post: What I see are my good points, and what I dislike about myself.

If you’re new here, you might not know this, but I’m a person with Borderline Personality Disorder. What that means, in this case, is I’ve been abandoned enough times that I’m very awkward with how I deal with people and life. I can’t fully trust anything or anyone- the line of whether I trust you is as fine as a piece of string. As such, my views of myself are just as opposing as my views of people around me. That right there, that black and white standpoint- that’s one of the things I hate myself for.

That said, I’ve been learning steadily but surely to recognize the shades of gray in the world. I don’t hate people just for a white lie anymore, at least. And I’ve started to stop hating myself, too. I still dislike some of my qualities, but I’m learning to respect these imperfections and, in some case, learning to see the good in them.

Today, let’s take a look at a few on each list… And how I’ve grown in relation to them.

The Good


My blunt honesty – yes, I know being blunt can be bad to some people- but, by being blunt, I earn trust that I won’t lie about something important.

My creativity – I don’t think I’m exceptionally creative, but I’m certainly above average, in my mind.

My inquisitive nature – While my dozens of questions may annoy some people, there are plenty of people who have praised me for trying to gain as great an understanding of the topic as possible. Plus, learning something new every day is just fun!

I’m caring – My ability to care for people has grown over the years. I still have some selfishness in me, but I’ve learned to try to take care of the people around me when they need it. For example, I often try to help my dad when he’s unwell by fetching him food and drink, making sure he’s taking his medicine, and even recommending some of the as needed medications based on his complaints.

I’m clever – I can be very bright at times with good solutions to a problem, and when I’m not able to come up with one, I rely on others to help me rather than let my pride get in the way. (This is one I’ve worked hard to earn!)

The Not-So-Good


I can get quite jealous – I never thought I could get as pouty and jealous as I do these days. That said, it kind of relates to the next point.

I’m a total worry-wart – I still have bad self esteem, and I have anxiety over a lot of things I shouldn’t. This leaks into relationships sometimes, and I’m trying to learn better positivity skills.

I’m slow on the uptake – If you hold a conversation with me, you’ll know I’m a fairly simple-minded person. I’m easy to please, easy to hurt, and insanely easy to confuse.

I’m a natural flirt – I don’t do it intentionally, and I wasn’t aware I was doing it until a friend pointed it out when I asked for a self-description. Apparently, I’m quite good at leading people on… And I really don’t like that. There’s only one person I want to flirt with! >w<

I’m lazy as all hell – I live a fairly sedentary life. I’m trying to get more active, even if it’s just by walking to the courtyard to get the mail on a regular basis. I’ve also tried taking regular walks, though I’m recently on a decline there. I’m not very prompt with housework, and I spend more time at the computer than I should.

To be honest, I actually had to get help from friends to figure out some of the features I mentioned- but we are all our own worst critics, so the fact that I struggled to think of my good traits is just a sign I need to work harder on my self-esteem! I’ll be sure to do that now!

Say, friends, what are your good and bad traits? I’d love to see where we’re similar! Let me know in the comments, okay? Take care! 🙂

Throwback Thursday: My Heart (Part 2)

Hello everyone! Welcome to part two of my memories related to my heart. This time, though, I won’t be talking about my WPW. That’s done and over with! What isn’t over with is my emotional progress, and today, I really want to delve into that. I know delving deep is for Saturdays though, so we’ll keep it light. Let’s talk about my dating history- not too much, but enough to show my growth.

A precursor to understanding my mental state in regards to dating is I’ve always dated online. Yes, even when I was a teen, I never seemed to fall hard for my classmates (at least none that liked me back)… But I found it easy to find partners online. My first boyfriend- who I’m still friendly with online a decade or so later- was when I was a preteen. We did live in the same state, not far from each other… but we were both very young, and meeting just wasn’t feasible. What’s funny is we still haven’t met, but we’re still good friends! Interesting how the world works, isn’t it?

I’ve dated many people since then- some I was working to save up to visit, others I didn’t like quite enough to want to meet. But last year, something big happened. I actually met my special someone in person. We’ve been together over a year now- when we met up, it was already more than half a year. (Wait, doesn’t that mean it’s going to be two years soon!?) In fact, it was just last June that I got to see him for the first time.

See, this relationship has changed a lot of my mind. Unlike with others, I was desperate to be able to be near him. More-so than any relationship before. When he offered to bring me over to where he lives, I was honestly in shock… But also the happiest I’d ever been, probably.

That trip, however, set off a couple of my anxiety triggers. For starters, we couldn’t stop pushing that we’d take the couch so the other could take his bed. We ended up just both sleeping in his bed, side by side. As someone who’s been a quasi-androphobe most of her life, that was a big deal all by itself. But it wasn’t just him in the house, either. I was staying in the family home. Yep, you guessed it, it was basically a mix of ‘meeting my boyfriend offline for the first time’ and ‘meeting the parents for the first time’ all in one.

The fact that I even trusted him that strongly was a clue for my fickle self that I was growing. He’d lied to me about his life in the past, mostly because he was trying to seem more attractive for me than he felt he was. However, when he came out with the truth months before that trip, I wasn’t angry in the way I’d usually be. If anything, I was happy the things he said turned out to be lies. I was happy he was opening up to me! I wasn’t feeling betrayed like any other lie I’d heard in my life!

And then we met, and slowly my fears faded. My androphobia didn’t act up, because I felt safe. I haven’t felt safe with someone other than my father in a long time. Even now, he’s changing me: I get urges to hear his voice to feel closer to him than I am. I crave to be near him once more- even if it’s just to watch him playing a game or something.

Okay, now that I fully embarrassed myself, tell me: How has a relationship helped you grow? I’d love to hear more stories about growing stronger with the help of others!

P.S.: I have plans to visit him again in the coming months. When I know when it is exactly, I’ll make sure to forewarn you since I probably won’t be able to write posts that week more likely than not. I really need to find a way to get my laptop on my plane this time…

Well, take care! I look forward to seeing you all again on Saturday, where I’ll delve deeper into my psyche and the reason I feel this growth is so important!